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Teen Poetry #5
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fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-10-23 11:16 PM


Through my Car Window

My gates
My Helen of Troy
Your horse
through my car window
sometimes you're running
down so slow
too catch a fragment
of you
galloping for the next--
different story same shame
surreal framing
like an excluse depository
no one here anyway
Sometimes you're trotting Juliet
calculating the passing ship
the mountaneous road
All of this
        through my car window.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved
Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
1 posted 2001-10-23 11:30 PM


Hey I like this one! I like the way that you slipped that horse theme in there and kept it there! Right on!

It takes more work to love myself than to love others... I guess that explains it, eh?

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
2 posted 2001-10-23 11:32 PM


calculating the passing ship
                               the mountaneous road

not sure exactly how i feel about this, the thoughts were a bit blurred- like watching the scenery from a car window  


         

"......",said the wise mute.

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
3 posted 2001-10-23 11:45 PM


Foz, I'm very frustrated...
Very frustrated...
PIP DELETED MY COMMENT!!! MAAH!
So, I'll repeat my long winded praise...

*ahem*

SEAN!!! You incredible poet! AHH!!! *so jealous* Who knew scenes through a car window could be so different...so magical. I love your reference to Helen of Troy. Where do you think of all these things? I'm afraid I'll have to kidnap your brain. MUAHAHA...
I'm running out of words...you've left me speechless...AGAIN! Not a bad thing, of course, I still have to learn to shut up. But yeah, back to the subject...
You have this extremely awesome style...so awesome, in fact, that I'm forced to use the "n" word..."Neat". And I NEVER use that word, unless I've been fully impressed. FULLY IMPRESSED!!! *you get my point*
It's a good thing. *Martha Stewart ate my cat*
*cough*
I love your work. You have such a unique talent...NO! Gift. You are definately high up on the poetic charts of awesomeness. *needs to buy a new thesaurus* ^_____^
FOZZY BEAR FOREVER!!!

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
4 posted 2001-10-24 01:04 AM


i love this piece.  honestly.

uh, excuse my ignorance, but helen of troy?

yes, i've spent my life in a closet eating cheerios, care to enlighten me?

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
5 posted 2001-10-24 09:27 PM


*bump* stupid fast forum...bah.
fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
6 posted 2001-10-24 11:37 PM


Sure, Helen of Troy was in ancient times, the most beautiful woman ever.  Basically, the point is, she started the whole friggin war that Odysseus fought in, you know against the Spartans or something.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
7 posted 2001-10-25 10:11 AM


Very interesting hmmmm...i liked it!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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