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Teen Poetry #5
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Skyfire
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0 posted 2001-10-23 05:58 PM



Listen with your eyes
To what I have to say
Try and find my feelings
The ones I hold at bay.


~And that's about as far as I got... Any suggestions? I want to make it longer, but at the same time I don't want to... Help? Please?

It takes more work to love myself than to love others... I guess that explains it, eh?

© Copyright 2001 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved
Jenn Cirrincione
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1 posted 2001-10-24 12:25 PM


Well you can leave it as it is. Or you can elaborate more on the actual feelings... if you look at it and take apart what you want to say, it might just happen.  

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

Missthang
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since 2001-07-03
Posts 103

2 posted 2001-10-24 04:19 PM


i think this is a good start. it seems a little uncomplete like you are trying to say somthing but haven't quite said it yet. i would say elaborate a little bit more. i don't think it needs to be that much longer but a little longer will do it :-)

*The heart is a house for love*

LoneWolf
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since 2001-03-10
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3 posted 2001-10-24 05:18 PM


I liked this, if you do decide to make it longer i think this is a very good start. if not its still good

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

xShUgArHiGhx
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4 posted 2001-10-26 01:59 PM


I like it so far!! Dont FORCE yourself to think of something to add with it...every now and then take the verse and look at it..and see what comes into mind..if nothing does than come back another day  

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Spine Grinder
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since 2000-10-28
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5 posted 2001-10-26 09:14 PM


well, if this is as far as u got, i wanna c the rest....or , short 1 r always welcome 2....great job!

Did u ever have the feeling that he meant everything 2 u, yet u meant nothing 2 him?.....~me
~go on, go on, leave me breatless....1 kiss will make me

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