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Teen Poetry #5
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chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-10-17 09:56 PM



A finger pushed against the lips of one
Silence follows a hush, a whisper in the wind...
Eyes follow the birds in the jaded sky
Oh....to fly away with them one last time.

An upturned face, so delicate it seems
Full of wonder, gazing at the floating things
Gliding in the wind, against the wild, blue yonder,
Waiting for the songs, a song that they will sing.

Following the dancing wind to the fields golden hued
He chases yellow butterflies, getting lost within his dream
Blindfolded, walking, he wanders, silent, still..
Wishing with all his little might that all was what it seemed.

+ + + + +
If you live somewhere in the northern prairies, you will know what I mean...for the others, a little taste of autumn from my heart to yours. Enjoy. ^_^

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

© Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved
Knight of Secrecy
Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-10-17 10:02 PM


Very cool poem,

"Following the dancing wind to the fields golden hued"

Beautifull line,
Very nice poem

-CM.

holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
2 posted 2001-10-17 10:09 PM


So that's why you were painting autumn images!  *_*  This poem rocked!  I loved the ending!  Hee! ^^  Kawaii poem!  Should I make this a short reply?  *considers*  Yeah!  I think I should.  Loved the poem! ^___^


- holatuwol


PS:  In case you think that I'm really going to let this poem get by with a short response, you've got another thing coming to you.  I'm going to give this poem such a long reply that...

Moderator: Can you PLEASE get to the point?  We have other replies to read through!  ... Sheesh, people these days ... just reply... x_X;


Ahem.  Anyways, getting into a serious reply... Eventhough it's something that sort of happens all the time with blindfolded daydreams and whatnot... it really really made the poem seem as though it was reaching out to touch someone's heart rather than just describing a pretty autumn setting. ^_^  And so, the echo reaches your heart, which is really hard to do... sugoi. ^_^

The flow was excellent and the title has it's kawaiiness charm.  Better than anything I could write... and it seems really innocent and the flow seems to add to that fact by making it seem really wistful, like dancing autumn leaves. ^_^  And the echo seems as though it's surreal and dreamlike... making the title fit perfectly.

I thought you did majorly good on this one.  Thankies for the read!  I will rave about your poetry later or something because otherwise, my reply will actually not seem so short any more.  *snicker* ^_^v  Until next time!


- holatuwol, signing again coz he wants to

[This message has been edited by holatuwol (edited 10-17-2001).]

never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
3 posted 2001-10-17 10:16 PM


Love the imagery you used! It painted a beautiful picture in my mind! "Eyes follow the birds in the jaded sky." I loved that line. Something about the "jaded sky" that made it so lovely I think. Good poem!
__o0o_Anna_o0o__   *waves*

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
4 posted 2001-10-17 10:57 PM


Hmmm...I have this weird urge to visit these Northern prairies you speak of.
Actually, I feel like I've already seen it thanks to your poem's impressive imagery.

I guess I'll end this puny reply with a  

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
5 posted 2001-10-17 11:04 PM


i enjoyed the imagery in this piece.

i do live on the northern praries [canadian praries], so i know exactly what you're talking about.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
6 posted 2001-10-18 01:40 PM


Never have i heard Autumn described in such a way before...very nice   I enjoyed it a lot hun!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-10-19 12:50 PM


wOW...such exquiste imagery and beautiful discriptions...REALLY youd ont ahve to write about me like this...J/k! well, anyways...enjoyed, as always. ke ai.

=)

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-10-20 05:27 AM


Ahh Autumn is a beautiful season and you've described it well, Leah. I felt like I was there, seeing what you could see.

Thanks for sharing this. To read something so calming was needed.

~AF~

"I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you"
Nelly Furtado - On the radio

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
9 posted 2001-10-30 06:08 PM


my GEEZ!!!
you are so awesome
I just LOVE your writing
*Standing Ovation* <--- as usuall

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?


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