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Teen Poetry #5
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quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2001-10-17 01:36 AM


For all of the times you said to me
'here, we’ll go for ice cream
or maybe a soda',
and ran off
with the leaves
down the street.

For all of the times you
brought orange juice and root
beer just to
leave me [forget, neglect…ignore?]out in the sun
for a few hours
too many.

Tying together the laces of my
boot, you somehow
hold it all together
until
I trip on
the
last dance.


just curious as to your views on the following piece.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

© Copyright 2001 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved
pharon
Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251
alabama
1 posted 2001-10-17 02:04 AM


this is a great poem...it makes me so sad that this is true for so many people..good job.

            me

Knight of Secrecy
Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-10-17 10:05 AM


Great story-like poem, very good,
-CM.


BlackDove
Junior Member
since 2001-10-14
Posts 18
Why are you reading this???
3 posted 2001-10-17 04:29 PM


Nice flow and word usage here!! rock on!  

All the plastic people who live without a care.Try to sit around my table and never bring a chair...

anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-10-17 10:21 PM


interetsing way of discribing a last dance. i enjoyed it, Jenn

=)

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
5 posted 2001-10-18 09:58 AM


Yea i agree, i thought this was a very interesting way of describing a last dance..i enjoyed it a lot though! Great job and keep em comin!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
6 posted 2002-11-02 12:19 PM


well, it wasn't really about a last dance.



but thanks for taking the time to read.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

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