»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
Maybe
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
Maybe |
|
Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
|
Maybe you changed, or maybe what happened was I fell out of love w/ you and you didn't want to realize. Maybe life changed, or maybe you pretended and left me with myself while I lied to everyone. Maybe nothing's changed, and everything has gone wrong what with you and your Mi-ran-da... and me and the cold dark silence. Maybe you're jelous, of the fact that I got out and moved to a new town and found some new guys. Maybe you just hate the fact that I'm not there anymore to be the dependable one for you to rely on me. Maybe you've changed, and you haven't realized it yet but I realized it immediatly, OR maybe it's me.  |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Allysa --- girl, you need to let him go I know it's hard, but at least try you'll find someone who'll sweep you off of your feet someone who'll treat you like a princess nice to see you around again and nice to see you sharing again thanks for the read hi Sweets/puff puff/bubbles  , Lizzy  , Jesa  , Ina  , Allysa  , Marie  , Cherish  , Jenn  , Minna  , Chelsea  , Leah  , Kimmie  , Ashley , Smurfy  , Alexia  , Kamie  , Kari  , Nan  , Sea  , Javi  , Zu  , Lml  , Albertia  , Linc  , Jesse  , |
||
|
AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
mayyybAy |
||
|
Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
I liked your poem. I thought it was good. Keep writing. ab *~We are all pencils in the hands of God --Mother Teresa~* |
||
|
holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Spelling was a slight hindrance to the story being told here, and I suggest you make the spelling changes... if you can... Unless there's significance to the abbreviation of with as "w/", I would suggest that you not abbreviate it as such as it kind of turns the reader off to the poem immediately... and, it's "jealous" at the beginning of the fourth stanza, by the way... and the third-to-last line (the line right before the OR) should have "immediately" as the last word, not what you have there. Other than that, the poem seemed to flow fine and it really was well-written. Which, is saying a lot, considering that it was a romantic love-oriented piece (maybe a breakup piece or something) and that I really generally dislike the romantic pieces that are posted. ^_^ Good job on this one. Props! My favorite line was where you divided the name "Miranda"... that was unexpected and left an impact on my mind. Beyond that, it had steady flow... the echo was weird and mutated and not quite consistent, but still, I love the way you divided the name "Miranda". ^_^ It just seemed symbolic in a way I can't quite grasp right now, and it really seemed perfect the way it was. ^_^ Mi-ran-da. hehe Thanks for the nice read, and hope you keep on writing. ^_^ Take cares, and hope you get over anything emotionally which deals with the poem at hand. ^_^ Until next time. - holatuwol |
||
|
never_a_princess Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82Show Me the Money |
hey wow..that guy above me *points up* typed alot..I not gonna type that much..anyways! This was really good. I enjoyed the way it was very personal, or at least seemed to be, to you, with the name "Mi-ran-da" and other things like that. As for the spelling "errors" he mentioned, what happened to poetic freedom? j/k i suppose. i love the power you express through this, and i LOVE the last line. __o0o_Anna_o0o__ *waves* Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. |
||
|
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
LoL "mir-an-da"..lolol Great job on this piece..wat ur describing is definately hard to go through...stay strong sista!! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
