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quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2001-10-12 01:37 AM

So sweet
the toxic words
on my
empty page.

Vulnerability.

I cry.
Letting the tears flow
like a river
surging
out of my pathetically
exhausted
body,
Taking every last ounce of
life.

Life, without
it, there's..?

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-10-12 02:20 AM

I like this one a lot.....

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2001-10-12 10:17 AM

This was a very good poem..i enjoyed it mucho!!! Keep it up

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

3 posted 2001-10-12 12:03 PM

Very intriguing...nice one!

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

LucidityNow
Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 118
Canada

4 posted 2001-10-12 02:33 PM

beautiful, absolutely beautiful

and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2001-10-12 11:09 PM

Oh yeah! Great!

If you define cowardice as running away and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-10-13 05:26 PM

Jenn...the word arrangement made the piece quite more powerful within the words...i liked it.

=)

silvrduck
Member

since 2000-11-05

Posts 146

7 posted 2001-10-14 12:40 PM

WONDERFUL!
There isn't really much more to say about it.. this was great jen

**library!**

*the chains which once held us are only the chains which we've made*
~jewel

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

8 posted 2001-10-14 03:03 AM

Interesting type of "free-style" free verse poetry. It has a rather modern and almost hi-tech edge to it, especially in the way you've done your ending. It sounds much like a transmission being interrupted by some unseen menacing force.

The images in this poem are done quite well also. It is a poem that is written in a much more "impressionistic" manner, such that it makes the reader have to visualize much more of it internally.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

9 posted 2001-10-14 05:51 PM

A well written poem in my mind, very expressive. It seemed to carry a drama in it, I like how it's done.

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-10-15 06:24 PM

One thing I noticed about your poems, it indeed trigers one's curiosity. It makes me think deep. You have a way with little words and putting them into a piece that questions what is around us. *applauds*

keep it up

hi Sweets/puff puff/bubbles