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Teen Poetry #5
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Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2001-10-07 01:08 PM



I think about you all the time,
loving you is such a crime.
'Cuz I know if we go out, you'll play,
just play my heart, and tear me apart.

But when I'm with you,
I can't help but fall in love too.
I know you don't love me,
love me, please, why can't you see?

Your sweet blue eyes just pull me in,
this cannot be a sin.
I thought I was mistaken,
not mistaken, it's MY heart you're breakin.





Did u ever have the feeling that he meant everything 2 u, yet u meant nothing 2 him?.....~me
~I'm breathing u ing and i'm breathing u out!~ 7channels

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (edited 10-07-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved
NathanS
Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106
CA
1 posted 2001-10-07 01:37 PM


Nice poem   I enjoyed the read, i especially liked the line
"I thought I was mistaken,
not mistaken, it's MY heart you're breakin."

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
2 posted 2001-10-07 01:53 PM


I was a little confused by this poem, you don't ryhme the last two lines of the verse in the first stanza but you do in the second and last it's usually better to stick to rhyming or non-rhhyming I feel unless the rhyme is unintentional But I have a feeling it was meant to be. Apart from that I have to say that this poem is most wonderful  

Zu  

"Ph33r Me I eat N00bies Ph0R bReakFAsT"
- Replying might be your only hope of getting noticed -

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
3 posted 2001-10-07 02:20 PM



thanks guys i appreciate the replies...! Zu, on the first stanza, idk wat happened, but i guess i didnt realize it until it was 2 late...o well...i'll fix it in my next poeM! thanks though, much appreciated


Did u ever have the feeling that he meant everything 2 u, yet u meant nothing 2 him?.....~me
~I keep on falling in and out of love with u~Alicia Keys

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (edited 10-07-2001).]

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
4 posted 2001-10-08 12:50 PM


SG....it seems like he's goign to be up to his old tricks huh? enjoyed the read, i hope things work out.

wouldnt it be wonderful if children werent scared of looking up at the sky?

       

aaron woodside
Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256

5 posted 2001-10-08 06:10 AM


I liked it and apart from what Zu mentioned I thought it was a very enjoyable read.  

Ex Animo,
     Aaron

I had a nice poem by Robert Frost here but it was too long. :(  so... "Don't believe what everyone else says, think it through for yourself if you wan

~gretchenp34~
Junior Member
since 2001-10-08
Posts 46
Ohio, USA
6 posted 2001-10-08 04:57 PM


wow this is really good!!!! i like it alot!!!!
peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
7 posted 2001-10-08 05:51 PM


gurlie..i love ya!! friends 4eva! hold ur head up *high* and fight ur way through! you no U CAN DO IT!!! muahha this was a good read other than that one stanza though..member im alwayz here to talkz to ya!! dont worreee u'll find sumone better than that blue eyed NBH!!! *sowweee everyone inside joke* hehe keep writing it helps!! lylas ~Jess~

~*~How can we be friends if everytime I think of you I know that's all we'll ever be~*~

Punk Angel
Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 66
Pennsylvania, US
8 posted 2001-10-08 07:19 PM


hey mad cow hows it shakin? this is a really great poem, but im juss curious, is it bout eric? jw!!!!!

We love what is lost, but does what we lost love us back??    
~*Krista*~

Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
9 posted 2001-10-08 11:50 PM


Loved the read, you don't need him, guys like that are SCUM!!! (Not that I know from experience or anything... *mumble mumble*)

If you define cowardice as running away and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

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