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Teen Poetry #5
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Jenn Cirrincione
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0 posted 2001-10-01 10:23 PM


For everything you showed me,
My vision is no clearer.
And for every lie you told me,
There's another in the mirror.
I hate the way you make me cry,
And how I always miss you.
I hate it that you didn't try,
And your deceitful whisper.

You toyed with me
You stole my heart
You just can't see
I'm torn apart


Yes... Jenn is rhyming.  
Tell me what you guys think.

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 10-01-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Parker - All Rights Reserved
lilibeelee
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since 2001-07-12
Posts 143

1 posted 2001-10-01 10:28 PM


I love the emotions in this peice...Very well done...I can realte : ) keep your head up
NathanS
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since 2001-09-27
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CA
2 posted 2001-10-01 10:29 PM


Looks very nice, very well written- great emotions too  

I give it a 10 out of 10 =)

           -Nathan

Delirious_Smurf
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since 2001-08-08
Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.
3 posted 2001-10-01 11:35 PM


I liked it loads!
Nice rhyming too  

I'm a professional happy puppet.

anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
4 posted 2001-10-02 05:36 AM


Nice rhyming Jenn.  

so very sad though...are you sure you don't want me to hurt him...because I can fly over there right now and do it for you.
Anyway, it's full of emotion and really shows the pain you're going through at the moment. Keep strong and keep smiling.

~AF~

"Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination"

Jenn Cirrincione
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5 posted 2001-10-02 08:08 AM


Thanks for your comments everyone.   "Someone" (alberta) told me I should try and get into the rhyming thing.. so here's my attempt.  
Thanks so much for your comments.
And Lizzy, thanks but nahhhhhh....no hurting ppl.

Jenn

"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

Acies
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6 posted 2001-10-02 09:52 AM


You should rhyme when you think it's better.  Don't force yourself to do it unless it's truly what you feel you should do.  I just hope you heal soon.  *hugs*

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie

Poet Unknown
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 140
Missouri
7 posted 2001-10-02 10:45 AM


it was very good, and hes right if ya dont htink it should rhyme then dont force it

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

Jenn Cirrincione
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8 posted 2001-10-02 11:02 AM


Nah, it wasn't forced. I just don't usually rhyme, so I gave it a shot. Thanks for your comments.  

Jenn

"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

xShUgArHiGhx
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tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
9 posted 2001-10-02 02:08 PM


Oooooo Rhyming! I love rhyming poems   lol Im sorry this is happening hun...i really liked the poem tho ::hugs::
aaron woodside
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10 posted 2001-10-02 10:06 PM


I like it.  You should do more ryhming.  Your really good.  Laters.

Ex Animo,
    Aaron

Marshalzu
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11 posted 2001-10-05 10:05 AM


Jenn, your rhyming... I know this is a lil late but this is a great poem, congratulations of stuffing all those emotions in there  
anonymous albert ?
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12 posted 2001-10-05 01:19 PM


..OooOOOO Jenn!...its that rym i SEE?! ...hehe...i think you did a wonderful job on it with the emotions you protrayed here ...but quite heartfelt and sad...hope your doing alright.
peachesNcream
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Ocean Of Tears
13 posted 2001-10-05 10:09 PM


Good post! I feel your pain I used to cry over this one guy and I finally figured out I can find someone better that will treat me the way I wanna be treated. Don't worry I think everyone has at least one of those realtionships. I hope things look up though!! ~*~Jess~*~

~*~How can we be friends if everytime I think of you I know that's all we'll ever be~*~

SEA
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with you
14 posted 2001-10-05 10:48 PM


I know this so well. It's great Jenn. You've expressed this perfectly.  
Jenn Cirrincione
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15 posted 2001-10-06 08:53 AM


Thanks to everyone!!   Apparently I should try this rhyming thing again  

- thanks again

Jenn


"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 10-06-2001).]

Spice
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since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
16 posted 2001-10-20 12:39 PM


Rhyming..
Hehehe- Kidding...I'm just jealous cause I can't rhyme...Mine always sound so Kindergarden like...LOL. So now I envy you..Grrr hehe

Yet another spectacular write Jenn! Keep your lil chin up, deary.  

Every now and then I like to stick my foot in my mouth...

shadow974
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Michigan
17 posted 2001-10-20 07:48 PM


I love your poem, i'm new here but you seem like a great poet!
Skyfire
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18 posted 2001-10-20 11:27 PM


I think that whomever he is, is a big meanine, and if you want I'll... stick my tongue out at him (can't do anything else, it would be violent)! In other news, I really like this one, the flow you have going was great!

If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

Jenn Cirrincione
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19 posted 2001-10-21 04:34 PM


Awww, thanks guys.  

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

Jeremiah Johnson
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20 posted 2001-11-08 12:34 PM


again with another great poem and yes the rhymeing works. keep it up. is this one about well you know? if so i'm sorry

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


Jenn Cirrincione
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21 posted 2001-11-08 12:47 PM


About...? I'm not sure I get ya. What exactly would you be apologizing for? But this is about someone I had some pretty strong feelings for and he hurt me pretty bad. But that's over now. All is improving     
Anyway, thanks for the reply and the interest.


"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-08-2001).]

allie
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22 posted 2001-11-08 06:35 AM


WOW! this was a really good poem love the bit about the mirror sorry to hear about the situation!!

ALLIE

baby0508
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23 posted 2001-11-08 07:50 AM


this was a great poem full of emotion..i know how you feel. hang on!!!!  


DawnG
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24 posted 2001-11-08 12:35 PM


Jenn,

I have to agree the rhyme is really good, but since I haven't read as much of your free form works as others have I'm sure, I can't say it is better than your free form. I know how much you are hurting in this situation. I hope you can rise above it.

                                    Dawn

DancinQueen
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25 posted 2001-11-08 03:17 PM


oh goodness,i  think its time for a grls nite!! well us grls need to get together and sit around and eat icecream and watch movies and cry together   Heartbreak seems to be the theme of all of our poems recently! Could be bc guys tend to be arses alot     but newho, i sorta like your free-verse better. but im not rippin on this!! Everything you write it beautiful, just an opinion, but whatever you think  

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

TopGunLauren
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California
26 posted 2001-11-08 06:15 PM


Great poem I loved it.
  Lauren

K. Rebel
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San Juan, PR
27 posted 2001-11-08 06:39 PM


Taken the situation I am in, I can relate incredibly to this. Its a great poem, the rhyming is a good little touch but its really good.
Jenn Cirrincione
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28 posted 2001-11-08 07:12 PM


Thank you everyone.   You're all so kind to me. Oh and Kiley....if yer ever in FL look me up   I'll bring the chocolate cookie dough  

Jenn


"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-08-2001).]

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
29 posted 2001-11-09 07:11 PM


Wow this poem just screams "ouch!"  I can almost feel your pain through your words, and it seems like there's alot of it there.  Guys SUCK, huh??  Just make sure you use your talent to write a really *happy* poem the next time u meet a good one, k?  I hope u feel better soon!     

~*Nikki*~

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

Jenn Cirrincione
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30 posted 2001-11-16 11:36 PM


Happy poem? What is this of which you speak?!   Nah... there is some happiness floating around, I'll tap into it soon .  
Thanks for the comments.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

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