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Teen Poetry #5
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knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-09-27 08:01 PM


she wept for the love
that never seemed to show
she wanted it all to be
such a perfect dream of life

she didnt understand that
it couldnt be everlasting
she tried so hard for naught
and lost her sense of self

she longed for her true heart
to come and sweep her away
she passed up all the flaws
that could have made her whole

she couldnt see pass the blemishes
that are what makes life unigue
she awaits for the dream of hers
that will never show it self

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

© Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved
pure_innocence
Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 80
Colorado, US
1 posted 2001-09-27 09:45 PM


I liked it.  Lookung for what can never truly exist, perfection. Beautiful write!
Zukene_Chic
Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152
Cali
2 posted 2001-09-28 12:01 PM


I'm not quite sure why I liked this, but I did.
xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
3 posted 2001-09-28 11:42 AM


I liked the whole idea of this poem and how you expressed it all..i thought it was a really good poem..nice job  
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-10-13 12:18 PM


Tiff --- I love this piece.  You have expressed you sentiments on this freely and whole heartedly.  Beautiful poem.  Hope things work out.  Thanks for the wonderful read.



hi Sweets ,  Lizzy ,  Jesa ,  Ina ,  Allysa ,  Marie ,  Cherish ,  Jenn ,  Chelsea ,  Leah ,  Kimmie ,  Ashley ,  Smurfy ,  Alexia ,  Kamie ,  Kari ,  Nan ,  Sea ,   Zu ,  Lml ,  Albertia ,  Linc ,  Jesse ,    

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

5 posted 2001-10-13 04:59 PM


Impressive writing here.  You've got a good form going here with your iambic beat and your four-line stanzas.  

The story told in this poem is well presented.  Your wording - especially the way you use the word blemishes to express the things that make life unique.  It is a shame that we humans have not been taught the lesson in this poem enough.

Good job and keep writing.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

BlackDove
Junior Member
since 2001-10-14
Posts 18
Why are you reading this???
6 posted 2001-10-14 02:03 AM


Hey Hey Tifferoke! Guess who!   Nice Post
  

All the plastic people who live without a care.Try to sit around my table and never bring a chair...

never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
7 posted 2001-10-17 09:05 PM


Tifferage! *liked this a lot* Nice point of view and rockin' choice of words. I also love your first signature thing; the one about choices! The "Choice" so many people talk about today ruins more than just one destiny. *nods* Anyways, good poem hun!
__o0o_Anna_o0o__   *waves*

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-10-17 09:32 PM


the expression was nicley protrayed, Tiff ...sad that some dreams we NEVER see huh?...i liked it.

=)

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
9 posted 2001-10-18 09:49 PM


she awaits for the dream of hers
                               that will never show it self

Tiffers! ....this is a...a...wistful poem. its sad, yet quietly true in sum aspects. (its not fair! ). liked the poem heaps sweetie- you did very well with it. its nice to see your name back around here too.. thanks for sharing!

see the glass crack like a flower opening


       

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