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Alteranative historys for personal tragedies.
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Alteranative historys for personal tragedies. |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
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Alternative historys for personal tragedies. Explosion of emotion, A religion based on hate, Ripples across the ocean, Towers high like fate, Our feelings under spotlight, Our dreams just turn to dust, A future which was bright, Turns dark without our trust, Drink away our sorrow, Our headache crashes down, Dream of your tommorow, In bitterness I drown, My heart begins to shatter, Leaving me so weak, It’s brought down in a clatter, So it’s revenge I’m here to seek. I'd appreciate it if you would re-read the title it might put everything into perspective... "You would say anything, you would try anything, to escape your meaningless, your insignifcance" -Muse "Escape" [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (edited 09-25-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alyssa
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385IM ENGAGED!!!!! |
*wrinkles her brow at Zu's Critique message* um...im thorougly confused now... n-e-way back to the WONDERFUL poem. i really liked this very much, amazing how you can fit all the tradgie and stuff in such a small piece and make someone (me) feel it as i did.. "I swear officer! It was PINK." |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Revenge is a no no unless someone else is doing it for you. It's the quickest way to not get arrested.  now I had to read this like 8 times to fully understand and after reading the title, then the piece, then the title again, I know what you are talking about. "Our feelings under spotlight, Our dreams just turn to dust, A future which was bright, Turns dark without our trust," That was an instant thing. Yes, it's pretty obvious. I do like this from you. It's more from that heart of yours. Take care Zuey and don't you ever stop writing. ~AF~ Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree, merry, merry king of the bush is he. Laugh! kookaburra LAGUH! Kookaburra how gay your life must be. |
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Dark Avenger New Member
since 2001-09-29
Posts 3Darkness |
Hey Andrew, I didn't realise that you had written so much poetry. I like this new stuff of yours, anyway see you around DA [This message has been edited by Dark Avenger (edited 09-29-2001).] |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
So you finally show up here DA. Anyway thanx for all the replies everyone  Join the Pip Space Navy now, your website needs you!!! join @ targetmrzu@hotmail.com |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i enjoyed the rhythm, you kept it going throughout the entire piece. but one thing's bugging me, and when you typed it the same way in the post, i figured it wasn't a typo. *histories not historys just thought i should let you know. - jen so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Thanx for the reply and sorry about the mistake I hadn't realised when I wrote it |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Ok, I didn't like the revenge part. never stoop down to the same level as them I thought that was a tragic ending to an excellent start You're a good guy Zu, though you side w/ the girls in chat You are very respectful, keep it that way keep your head up I thought that was a tragic ending to an excellent start hi Sweets  , Lizzy  , Jesa  , Ina  , Allysa  , Marie  , Cherish  , Jenn  , Chelsea  , Leah  , Kimmie  [This message has been edited by acire (edited 10-11-2001).] |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
 Revenge! Ahem... AWESOME WRITE ZU! Absolutely loved it...Can I touch you? LOL Every now and then I like to stick my foot in my mouth... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i REALLY liked how you wrote this. heartfelt and quite emotion filled. it also went VERY well with the rym scene...indeed, awesome write. "This little light of mine...im gonna let it shine. *sighs* Let it shine...let it shine. Let it shine." |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
Andrew, I really like this poem ... although I don't like the revenge part of it. I'm not really one for revenge, but other than that, it was EXCELLENT!!! all my love, Stace ~*~I'm in love with a man named ZU~*~ *huggles Krissy* |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i dont think that revenge is the nessesary thing here- its just another way out. another way to deal with whats happened in ones life. i personally dont believe in it, but yes i agree with you zu- revenge is an alternative. good poem as always buddy- keep writing and ill keep reading.. see the glass crack like a flower opening |
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