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Teen Poetry #5
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fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-09-18 12:14 PM


heeeey PIP ppl, i have returned.  lol half of u are pry new and have no idea who i am, and obviously i don't know you. so yeah, my name is bergundy. hi hi.  this is some half-bummed attempt at a poem by me. it feels weird to write again because i haven't in so long, but i think i will pry start again. god the explaination is gonna be longer then the freakin poem...oh well. plz read, and be honest.  thanks.  -fear-

watch my life
slowly drain away
down, down,
the kitchen sink.

it's almost like,
all these memories,
are not my own,
they belong to someone else.

someone who cared,
someone who loved,
someone who wanted to live,
but most importantly...

someone who could feel
any emotion
besides pain.

-fear-

i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song

© Copyright 2001 bergundy - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-09-19 01:50 AM


wOW...short but VERY powerful in its simplicity...the last part was hard hitting...also...wB!, Fear..

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry-

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
2 posted 2001-09-19 03:08 AM


i really liked it.very well done!
robin

bye lizzy,javi,acire,cherish,SEA,vicky,laura,andrea,jessa and anyone else i forgot i will be back to torment you soon muhahahahahahaha

Alyssa
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Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!
3 posted 2001-09-19 04:23 PM


oh my good golly!
i loved this
i put it in my library!!!

"I swear officer! It was PINK."

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
4 posted 2001-09-19 05:55 PM


I liked this one. If new people didn't know you, they will now. Good job on the poem and good to see you back.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

zarina
Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180

5 posted 2001-09-20 03:56 AM


Great to see that you're back!  
And the poem was good.. as usual, hehe.

I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you?

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
6 posted 2001-09-20 10:59 AM


Im so happy to see that your back here w/us sharing your poems   I absolutely loved this one and it really hit home for me...i know exactly what your talking about when u say you almost feel like the memories are of another persons...great job!

SunShine913
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211
Italy but from NC
7 posted 2001-09-20 12:19 PM


HeY i dont know you but that was a kick azz poem .. keep it up i loved it and i hope i get to read more of your work .. And WELCOME back

                    !~Andrea~!
*You only live once, so live it to the
fullest*
*what is love?*
*If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to l

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-09-21 11:57 AM


Welcome back again, fear.  

Simple yet deep piece. I felt a connection with a lot of it especially this part:
"someone who cared,
someone who loved,
someone who wanted to live,
but most importantly...

someone who could feel
any emotion
besides pain."

That I really went wow at. Thanks for sharing this and keep writing.  

~AF~

"Hi there, can I relay a sonnet your way?"
"Go away"
"Come on"
*dials the police*
"Alright!..."

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
9 posted 2001-09-21 04:20 PM


Very nicely written. I loved the ending to this one. A poem well done.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
10 posted 2001-10-04 12:56 PM


Welcome back, nice to see you again
I did enjoy the read
I believe though that you can add another stanza
I feel the ending was a little short
but still a great read
thanks for sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie

aaron woodside
Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256

11 posted 2001-10-04 01:56 PM


Hey I'm new so I don't know ya but That was good.  I like the kinna sad, depressing ones best.  Great write.

Ex Animo,
     Aaron

Poet on Acid
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325
Florida, USA
12 posted 2001-11-19 10:36 AM


wow. Nice start to a restart of your writing. If that makes any sense. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to your post sooner but I haven't had the time to be on as you very well know. I love they way you write things. Sort of jagged and torn but still getting the message across quite clear. Anyways enough psycho babble.

"Appreciate your ability to forget...you'll need it when it's time to forgive"

DawnG
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494
United States
13 posted 2001-11-19 12:35 PM


This was a great read. Thanks for sharing.

                                    Dawn

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