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Teen Poetry #5
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United We Stand - We will Survive
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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United We Stand - We will Survive |
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pure_innocence Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 80Colorado, US |
United we stand hand in hand slowly healing the promised land. America America God shed his grace on thee, Help us Father we're down on bended knee, Searching for whatever the answer may be, Praying we're strong enough to be all we can be, Help to heal all this pain we see, Looking for help from friends cross the seas, We will fight for justice not tempted to flee, Please God find somewhere a hero in me, One that's ready to fight for the land of the free, We'll hurt, we'll heal, we take it day by day, We'll look to your guidance Lord, we'll pray, Take our hands God by your side we will stay, Stand friends, by my side, trust I won't stray, Won't give up the fight for the American way, Cause I know what the terrorists forgot, God blessed our USA. I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free and I won't forget the men that died who gave that right to me, and I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today, cause there ain't no doubt that I love this land God bless the USA. Message to the World- Attention inhabitants of Earth: ~ We Will Survive ~ ~ And They Will Pay ~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jamie Lynne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
i love the song that you took the last part from. good job n i totally agree with you. we will survive... Valerie "i'm supergirl, and i'm here to save the world, but i wanna know, who's gonna save me" - WNBA Commercial |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I liked the message you portrayed in this poem and I agree with you on that, but there was one thing here which kind of puzzled me you start off rhyming with an "e" sound and then half way through you change to an "ay" sound this sort of threw me when I was reading it might I suggest staying with one or the other or for going with rhyming couplets. Other than that I thought that this was a great poem and I hope to see more of your work  Zu "You would say anything, you would try anything, to escape your meaningless, your insignifcance" -Muse "Escape" |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
great poem keep up the good work. robin Things I Have Learned I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
It read through well but I found the same thing as Zu. It actually really threw off the whole meaning of the piece for me. When it doesn't read right, it doesn't all come through. Anyway, lets hope they are paid without the usage of war. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
United We Stand That's all I have to say Thanks for sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Yes We Will Survive I didn't notice the rhyming.. but definately the message. Great poem *the chains which have held us are only the chains which we've made* ~jewel [This message has been edited by silvrduck (edited 09-15-2001).] |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
"They will pay!" is what they say, But will you be the innocent one to go, 18 nothing to show, 18 just a man, dead now because they had to pay, yes i want them to 2 i want to go but what about you, if i was your husband or your bf would you want me to go? All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare! |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Beautiful poem I loved it! Lauren |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
"Cause I know what the terrorists forgot, God blessed our USA." Oh I LOVEd that! AWESOME job here!!! And I LOVE the song you quoted...I get more patriotic listening to that than I do our own National Anthem...Thanks for the read...It was brilliant! United we stand, Divided we fall. |
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Alyssa
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385IM ENGAGED!!!!! |
wow this is good when i read it it put that song in my head and now im singing "I WILL SURVIVE" but only i changed the I to a WE... "Its a great day tobe alive, I know the suns still shinin when I close my eyes!" |
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