Misguided Children - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

0 posted 2001-09-07 04:08 PM

Stand beside myself looking at my own reflection,
Seeing the hated gifts of imperfection.
Everything you say to me,
Makes it harder for me to see.
Just like before,
Lying motionless on the sea shore.
Bottled up and enraged,
Wild beast left uncaged.
Song sings out like a gunshot,
Cause it's dark and Hell is hot.
If you cross my path,
I'll make sure you feel my wrath.
GIve and you'll receive,
Cherish every breath you breathe.
Scriptures on the wall,
Those who Betray all Must fall.
Past emotions left behind,
Not trying to go back and rewind.
Bloody tears trickle down my cheak,
Dripping slowly down feeling weak.
Everything raped and taken from me,
Looking for a new place to flee.
Bottled up and left enraged,
A dangerous beast left uncaged...

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

1 posted 2001-09-07 04:14 PM

ooooooooooooo i like i like i like.. hehe this is in my libary too haha before i know im going to have all of yours thier lol

!~Andrea~!
*You only live once, so live it to the
fullest*
*what is love?*
*If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to l

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

2 posted 2001-09-07 04:15 PM

I really really like this! It describes sort of how I feel.

Sugarpie313 married my poem! (that's my poem, not your poem! pooh!)

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2001-09-07 05:56 PM

Such a painfully emotional write...

You did well on this one. Dark, forbidden almost.
At times, I felt the rhyming was a bit forced, but that was overcome by the darkened mood. You really set that mood nicely.
I like the title to this one.

It holds some truth to it.

The first two lines were my favorite:
Stand beside myself looking at my own reflection,
Seeing the hated gifts of imperfection.

Very profound statement that held a lot of truth.
Thanks for a great read!

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2001-09-08 02:46 AM

Very good piece. There is only one thing that really annoyed me with it. Your meter is all out. If you try having a good flow through the entire piece, it'll read much better and won't be quite so staggered.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

5 posted 2001-09-08 03:00 AM

OOooo I liked this one alot!
Kudos to you!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.