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Teen Poetry #5
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I Can Hear Them
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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I Can Hear Them |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
I can hear the voices. I can hear them every night. I can hear them dark or light. I can hear them in the day, I can hear them in the hay, I can hear them in the dusk, I can hear them through the musk. I can hear them in the rain, I can hear them through the pain, I can hear them in my ear, I can hear them taunt and jeer. I can hear them in the dark, I can hear them howl and bark, I can hear them all the time, I can even hear them from a mime. Can’t you hear the voices? I can hear the voices. I can hear them every night. I can hear them dark or light. --------------------------- A gift poem for a friend of mine...we'll call her Split, aka The Voices Girl due to her collection of T-shirt with phrases such as "I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now." Kinda Dr. Seuss meets a twisted mind. -Adam |
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| © Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
You're right, very Dr Seussy. I hate that guy!!  The words I can was extremely overused even if you were trying for his effect. I know you can write a lot better than this and if you expand on the voices a bit more and remove some of those words, you'll have a great poem. The theme for the piece was a really cool choice. Maybe a slight revision might do it some justice. Other than that, it's very nice that you wrote a poem for this girl. You're too good.  ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Yes, VERY Dr. Suessy!! Not my fav. of yours, but still a nice write. You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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MindlessPoet Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106Texas |
very very Dr. Suessy. "I will not eat them in a bout. I will not eat them with a goat." hah. For now, all I can do is dream. |
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