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Teen Poetry #5
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.....?/ "Drip. Drip. Drip."
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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.....?/ "Drip. Drip. Drip." |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Voices in thick redness, Puddle of blood gathers... Drip. Drip. Drip. Moments conceal… In the midnight mist! The reflected beast in disguise… Wall mirror falls to the puddle, Shattering into bits of small reflections. But …reveals... In the midnight mist! The reflected beast in disguise… And I start to laugh… While, blood drips down my head… Drip. Drip. Drip. [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 09-04-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
WOw albert, quite the dark poem. Very well written. I fully enjoyed the poem!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
ALBY!!!!! MUA MUA MUA!  Good to see ya! Kick arse poem here! Loved the use of HTML, outstanding format! And the ending, wow! Does this post signify your return to teen chat and the poetry forums??? HMMmmm???? I know you've missed me! HaHaHa. ANYWAY! I thoroughly LOVED the read, And as always, Beg of you to post more.  You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Glad you're posting again Bertal!  I liked the poem, up until the end...then I was horrified.  And then I hid under the desk. And then I waited. And then I tried to get out, but I bumped my head!!! So I came up and read it again, so it's okay now.  Translation: I found this quite dark in a..."humorous" kind of way. not ha-ha funny. But...amusing. NO! Not ha-ha amusing...bah. Forget it. *sigh* I have to admit that at times, I didn't know what you were talking about...but that's me. I usually don't understand things. My friend always tells me to listen to myself before I speak...  I liked the way you did the 'drip' thing. In red...blood...red...uhh....... That's about it for now. Keep posting alby. KEEP POSTING!!! Don't leave again...  -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
WOW!!!!...alberta!! *shoves jesa away* MUAH! this is EXCELLENT! wow i LOVED it. it reminded me of my poem! loved this one LOTS especially the red "drips". im glad really really glad to see you posting again buddy. this is a bit different to all your other poems but i think its still a really really good one. dark too!... just one thing: ive been trying to email you for ages but it keeps coming back to me and never goes through *sigh*..do you have any other email addys i could write to? see you round! ............Daffodils |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
PEPE- thanks...yea i know its REALLY dark eh?...glad that you enjoyed perfection-presence of your grace i just couldnt resist, haha. and of course i missed you, why wouldnt i? and next time take it easy on the kisses..will ya?  haha. MUA! Leah-*hugs*...didnt mean to DO that  ...well, thanks and your replys seems to always makes me smile...Hai?..HAI! char-ish-maybe i blocked you..  ...muhahah.j/k!..  ...hehe...i'll email you, instead. and try to reply back...it'll work...if not...i might be have to do some sueing up in MSN for you [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 09-04-2001).] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Heya Sunshine!!  Dark and very out of your style which is doubley good in my opinion. The imagery sparked from this piece is simply outstanding. By far, this is one of your best poems I have read. Actually, it is one of the best poems I have ever read. The usage of italics is great because of the varied mood in the piece. Without them, it wouldn't have the same feeling to it. "Wall mirror falls to the puddle, Shattering into bits of small reflections." Shatting into bits of small reflections...wow. The whole image of that happening blew me away. Mind you, with your pieces, you tend to do that a lot. "And I start to laugh… While, blood drips down my head…" That really came across as a psycho scene or a madmans scene. Think The shining, think psycho itself, think every psychotic horror movie there is. All you need is the axe and the twisted eyes and you've got that down pat. It's so dark yet so deep at the same time that I can not give you enough praise for the piece. Actually, the more I read it, the more I grow attatched to it. "Drip drip drip" did a lot for this. The emotion was played out well by doing it in red thus reinforcing it is blood dripping and not beads of sweat. In whole, it's different, creative and coming straight from your heart in the darkest place. You call out with this piece and I truly adore it. Don't you ever stop writing, Mister. Take care buddy. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Very dark poem. Those are my fav. Good to see you back Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Delirious_Smurf Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90Nothingness,P.R. |
Great poem! I seriously loved it... Kicked major bootay...and the way it was written! I pictured someone all in black banging on some congas reciting that... !Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand. |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
As a new member, I haven't seen much of your work, but can still say one thing; THIS POEM KICKS SERIOUS ARSE! Extremelly dark, not that I'm complaining, kick ares is kick arse, and besides, notin' wrong with bein' in a dark mood now is there? Oh Well. Hope to see more marvelous works in the future, and I'll try and stick around to read them too! C Ya 'round!Rich Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). |
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Angelwings Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222IL, USA |
Anon. Glad to see you back! This poem kicks serious butt! It really got you in the moment. With your use of good imagery. I hope you're back to stay. I miss reading your work! If we're told we're bad, that's the only idea we'll ever have. Maybe if we are surrounded by beauty someday we will become what we see. |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC |
Extremelly dark, but i LOVED it .. but i guess i dont really know what all to say but i can say WELCOME TO MY LIBARY!!! !~Andrea~! |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Well, I read this 3 times. One to just get a "surface feel", two to pick it apart, and three incase there was something I missed. I came up with some interpretations of what you were saying (symbolicly), but I'll talk to you about them later privately. (I'm sure what I wish to talk about isn't allowed here.) I'm glad to see you posting again, even if you don't intend to do it regularly. I'm not sure what you've decided on so I'll just be general about it. Anywho.... I really, really liked this poem. You've captured a side of me (and many people I'm sure) that isn't always an easy thing to grasp. Thank you. Be kind, be true, be bold, be you. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hey Sunshine After our little convo the other day I had to reply to this again. Wowsers...it is totally amazing. yup, it's official. You rock! Emailing you later on tonight so don't stress out.  ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 09-09-2001).] |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
rad poem there buddy! i really liked it even if it was dark. robin Things I Have Learned I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in |
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