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Passions in Poetry

Natalia's burden (tentative title)

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Godsend_1
Member
since 04-19-2001
Posts 277
great state of illinois


0 posted 09-02-2001 04:19 PM       View Profile for Godsend_1   Email Godsend_1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Godsend_1

In the darkness
Of the final death
Of a dying fawn

In the darkness
Of death flowing forth
From my hands killing all I touch

Death from a small touch
Killing the world around me
What have I ended, what have I destroyed

At times I do wonder
Why killing is the only way for me
Why I have to crush all I hold dear

I wonder this and weep
For I know I lost part of myself
When I said this or did that and lost you



a wiseman once said "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!
i girl who thinks shes wise said " ben is a dorko" i agree

[This message has been edited by Godsend_1 (edited 09-02-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
never_a_princess
Member
since 06-09-2001
Posts 100
Show Me the Money


1 posted 09-02-2001 04:35 PM       View Profile for never_a_princess   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for never_a_princess

*HmMmZiEs* I like it, Mr. bennerz. *nods* It's sweet. It's saddish but sweet because of the meaning behind it. "What have I ended, what have I destroyed?" I liked that part. *hugz you* good poem, buddy. Keep writing, silly...You hadn't written in forever! :P
__o0o_Anna_o0o__    *waves*
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


2 posted 09-02-2001 04:42 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

wow, this is really sad.....it's painful, but wow, you wrote these feelings well, hope all is ok  

"Deputy Moderator ~ Open Forum"

Spice
Member Elite
since 04-13-2001
Posts 4474
Resting in my cardboard box.


3 posted 09-02-2001 05:38 PM       View Profile for Spice   Email Spice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Spice's Home Page   View IP for Spice

Nice write...I get what you're saying, and man I feel this too- all the time. Hope to see another post from you very soon. I enjoyed this bunches. You expressed yourself greatly.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Dopey Dope
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Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


4 posted 09-04-2001 02:22 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

The title freaked me out seeing as how my GF is named Natalia....weird. Anyway I did like this one a lot. Very well written.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


5 posted 09-04-2001 02:26 AM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

ooooooooooh dark. i liked this one lots. you wrote it very well. the title was a bit weird but i think if you delve into the poem it does seem to make sense. thanks for sharing Ben!

............Daffodils
........Daffodils .....
....Daffodils..........
Daffodils .............

punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 05-15-2001
Posts 2253
Sparks, NV


6 posted 09-04-2001 02:35 AM       View Profile for punkrockerrobin   Email punkrockerrobin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit punkrockerrobin's Home Page   View IP for punkrockerrobin

ok mr bennerz! why haven't you emailed me hmmmmmmm? ok well i'll forgive you this last time hehe! neways cooloz on the poem!btw i agree with your signature you are a dorko!!!!!hahahaha love ya hun!
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 04-14-2001
Posts 950
obscured vision


7 posted 09-05-2001 05:31 PM       View Profile for knightlyshadows   Email knightlyshadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for knightlyshadows

wow ben, i liked this alot. *claps* great job on it.
tiff

Elevese con los angeles

marmaladeskies
New Member
since 01-17-2003
Posts 2
Missouri


8 posted 01-17-2003 08:38 PM       View Profile for marmaladeskies   Edit/Delete Message      Click to visit marmaladeskies's Home Page   View IP for marmaladeskies

she's allowed to call you that?
Echo
Junior Member
since 02-20-2003
Posts 14
the abyss


9 posted 02-21-2003 07:30 PM       View Profile for Echo   Email Echo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo

very beautiful. I loved the line: why i have to crush all i hold dear
Thxthx!
 
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