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Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

0 posted 2001-08-31 01:04 AM

Looking for help in the zodiac,
Feel a blow with the force of a kodiak.
Scurry off into the emptiness,
Into a hollow abyss.
Search in the deepest bowels of your sorry soul,
Might want to set forth on your bike and take a stroll.
Rock back in to reallity,
Trying to "improve" your ugly personality.
Who got the biggest boulders?
Don't come cry on my shoulders.
Who serving the fiends?
Walking in and out of your dreams.
Remember nothing is as it seems,
Under your pillow your head reems.
Just a shadow in time,
Bitter tasting like a lime.
Shunned for eternity by most people,
Bow my head under the steeple.
Night falls on the light,
Making me disappear outta sight.....

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-08-31 01:24 AM

That was well done! I like it! I like it alot! Nice rhthym to your work! I'll be sure to check out other stuff that you've done! ^_^

~ Alex

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

2 posted 2001-08-31 01:42 AM

i liked this one too. your poems do have a nice rythm to them like alex said. you thinking of being a song writer kyle? i liked this one - not as much as your others but i thought you did well for yourself here

............Daffodils
........Daffodils .....
....Daffodils..........
Daffodils .............

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2001-08-31 11:19 AM

You wrote this one nicely. Love the title.

At times, I thought the flow was a bit off, and it made it harder to read. Your rhyme scheme was good, however...I felt sometimes that it was a bit forced. Nothing to worry about though.
There was some beautiful imagery here. I liked the ending best!

"Night falls on the light,
Making me disappear outta sight....."

Great job! Until your next post.

°L.§.W.°

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-09-01 06:42 PM

Now LEAH is stealing my favorite lines...

hehe
Nice write here, Kyle. Well done.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

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