Dreamscape #1: Unobtainable Sky

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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-08-30 07:08 PM

Unobtainable Sky

One sky
A vault of heaven.
Wild wonder,
Flourishing tints and shades
Of blue:
A melody of paragon.
Empyrean
Revolving endlessly
And dreaming
Of rain that echos upon
A windowpane,
And of clouds that pass away
To reveal all that once was hidden.
Mirth and sorrow
Of the sapphire existence
Mirrored upon the waters of the world.
Binded by silver thread,
Soft, yet evermore untouched
For a hand that reaches
Passes through...

The mind.

=====
Just a few thoughts about the sky...

Enjoy!

°L.§.W.°

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

[This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 08-31-2001).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2001-08-30 08:50 PM

nicely done here again leah. i enjoyed it lots!

............Daffodils
........Daffodils .....
....Daffodils..........
Daffodils .............

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-08-30 11:53 PM

You know what Leah? I'm sick of this...YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! How come you can write such wicked poetry and I can't? Oh...

Anyway, great good!

[This message has been edited by Android 17 (edited 08-30-2001).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-08-31 12:38 PM

Your critique message is very negative.

Now you're doing another series which is simply wonderful! Some of the lines in this piece are breathtaking and spark some interesting images.
Some of the lines I really loved in this are as follows:
"A vault of heaven."
"And of clouds that pass away
To reveal all that once was hidden."
"Mirrored upon the waters of the world.
Binded by silver thread,"

Those took me to a world I can only visit with large quantities of alcohol! They are simple lines but with a ton of expression if that made any sense at all.

Is this down to the fake muse too or is this all Leah?

Thanks for the read. I really did like it even if I can't explain on this one for you why.

~AF~

I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot*

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

4 posted 2001-08-31 11:28 PM

Looks like you got "it" back. Great post. I'm sorry if my post is a wee bit small, but I'm at a loss for words.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-09-03 03:13 AM

Great job on the poem! I really liked this one Leah!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-09-03 01:08 PM

Wonderful work, Leah. This has to be one of my favourites.
Your talent lies in a smooth, fluid writing style that results in something reminiscent of a painting, complete with evident brush strokes. I draw from this poem a very liquid feel, something very satisfying to feel... with each poem I read of yours, Leah, I can further appreciate your username.

Yours,
~Allan

People call me a madman, but I'm not mad at anyone.
~ Cat Rapes Dog, "Aquarius"

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-09-06 12:07 PM

Leah

...such beauty in your words. The paintings through words that you protray through your wonderful pieces of art...(did that EVEN make sense?)..

...you know what i mean?..right?..

..HeHe..buh bye

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry-

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