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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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No Vacancy |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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No more rooms upstairs, or empty corners, to place empty thoughts of you... Wondering where you are, what rooms are open upstairs, in your corners... Am I in there? Huddled in your cobwebs, maybe? Fresh in the forefront, possibly? Forgotten in the dust piles, perhaps? Watching the time tick down slowly like an idiot needing a cigarette... Something soothing deeper, needing me wanting me hearing me knowing me... But where are you when you said you’d come? Where are you when I need you? If you're reading this... You know who you are. --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I'm assuming its not aimed towards me. But this was an extremely powerful peice. You really poured out your emotions in this one. Great job! |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Nope not me either! But I did love this poem. Wow. I hope they do get in here and read this.  Good work.Jenn "Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
needing me wanting me hearing me knowing me... ....awesome.... Daffodils |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Wow...LOVED this! Very unique, an interesting way of looking at the situation, and I like how you typed it too, with the words going down....very cool. Awesome job!  We need guidance, we've been misled Young and hostile but not stupid - Blink *It may sound absurd but don't be naive, even heroes have the right t [This message has been edited by Kandi (edited 08-29-2001).] |
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Poet Unknown Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140Missouri |
i like the way you wrote that, its really good Eternal agony, invisions of carnage, needles stabbing you in the eye, this is what its like when doves cry |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
"Like an idiot needing a cigarette" Wow. This is awesome. Need I say more? "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
'ello chicky. Now me being the slack ass that I am have not been keeping up with your writing (going to do it later ) but this is different to some of the others that I have read from you. You seem to have a deeper element of resentment and sadness in this. The ending is your cry for help and the yearning for a person that obviously cannot come back to you. I thought you started off really well with the inclusion of pauses really giving the piece a lift. The one thing that I think you should look at would be to stick some italics in there somewhere. Some of those lines really call for it because when read, they almost sound like a whisper and a whisper to me is reminiscent of a cry. You already have so much going for this piece, Marie, that just some little extra additions of italics might push it right up to the line and put it in the 'totally awesome' category. Thanks for sharing this. ~AF~ I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot* |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I liked this one alot. It was filled with emotion. Very impressive read. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Not aimed at me either... ANyway, WOW! AWESOME WRITE! LOVEd the format! You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
aww...MArie im right here! ...HeHe...but, really though...this was a lot different from what im use to seeing from you...emotionally amazingly deep and quite the personal poem...awesome expression of your thoughts and feeling...hope all is well take care of yourself...ok? if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
*shudders*...still loving this...*bump* The feeling of Sleepiness when you're not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.-- Edgar Waston Howe |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I really liked this one. tick down slowly like an idiot needing a cigarette... That is so awesome, how u kinda made it 'tick down' as you were talking about that... This was very well written. Nice job. - Cody - |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
'No more rooms upstairs, or empty corners, to place empty thoughts of you...' so powerful. i'm really digging this piece. i too, would like to see some italics. VERY nice write. thanks. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
you asked me not to bump this.. well, Cherish did.. it's not my fault I felt the power in this piece... it's remarkable how you put your feelings and thoughts into images soo deep and real! It's sad that things keep you from posting and so many things... you may never stop! *hugs and kisses* "Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Cherish! You goof! You had to make sure that I came back to PIP because of those darn notification emails! This certainly is an oldie... the content actually hurts to think about now. Luckily, those feelings are long gone now Cody: Thanks so much for replying, and I'm glad that you picked up on the ticking! Jenn: It means so much that you took the time to read and reply to such a oldie. But thanks nonetheless.. Dastard: You're such a sweetie! *big hugs* Thanks for replying... it means more to me than I can say!  Thanks bunches you guys. --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Man some people need to really read this. Nice job... even the second time around Jenn "I can't get you out of my head- your love is all I think about." |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
wow Marie, this was fantastic. I missed it the first time around, but I'm glad cherish bumped it. I agree, more ppl need to see this. *hugs* miss seeing your face around here. ..tiff.. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
great poem tks for sharing! robin i am me don't tell me different!! |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
...great way of putting it in an original format... hopefully whoever you wrote that about hears you. "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Awesome write marie!!! Liked this lots Glad this got bumped otherwise i might have missed it!!iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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