I HATE YOU ... (long) please take the time to read this and tell me what you think!!

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SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

0 posted 2001-08-26 09:32 PM

I HATE YOU!!!

I hate the way you smile at me,As we are looked upon by stars,I hate the way you laugh with me,When you feel so damn afar,

I hate the way you roll your eyes,When you hear something so wrong,I hate the way you touch me softly,When everything i loved, was gone,

I hate the way you kiss me,So gently on my lips,I hate the way you always thought,And what you would reminisce,

I hate the way your eyes would shine,Watching me as i sleep,I hate the way you wipe the tears, Descending from my cheeks,

I hate the way you're always right,In everything you do,I hate the way you get me hooked,With the three words, "I love you"

I hate the way you whisper softly,Words i can't convey,I hate the way you read my thoughts,When i never even say,

I hate the way you're always there,By day and by night, I hate the way you always apologize,When we have a fight,

I hate the way you always smile,And think everything will be all right,I hate the way you guide me through,And turn dark into bright light,

I hate the way you always stand,So proud to have me there,I hate the way you always say,That you will always care,

I hate the way you love me so much,And say, "things aren't as they seem,"But most of why i hate all this,Is because it's just a dream!

_________________________________

please comment on this on it took alot of time!!

*You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun!

*gurls are sweet, Gurls are nice, but im the gurl with whip cream and ice

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-08-26 10:50 PM

first off, you don't have to beg for people to read your poetry, it is amazing.

I like what I have read from you thus far. I look forward to more. This was really well thought out and planned, and the flow is great. I think you did a wonderful job, lots of emotion here, that I relate to very well.

You did good

let your poetry speak for itself, it is wonderful!

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-08-26 11:07 PM

this isn't plagerized by any means but it sounds so familiar. did you base it on the movie "10 things i hate about you" when julia stiles read her poem towards the end.... and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't beg us to read your stuff. you do write good... let people come to read it, don't force it upon people. stuff that says "READ MY STUFF" i usually stay away from.

Valerie

"i'm supergirl, and i'm here to save the world, but i wanna know, who's gonna save me" - WNBA Commercial

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

3 posted 2001-08-26 11:10 PM

sorry if you think that is the case i wasnt meaning to force any thing . i just ment that it was long and i didnt think you guys would read it!

*You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun!

*gurls are sweet, Gurls are nice, but im the gurl with whip cream and ice

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-08-26 11:17 PM

Know what Andrea? One of my policies in replying used to be never reply to someone if they beg you to, and the first time I saw your name, I thought that.

Looking at this poem I'd have to say it could have been better... the repeated line was used a bit too much in this poem.  maybe you should cut down on it a bit, repeat that line a little less?
Looking at it without the repitition, this is a pretty basic ranting teenager poem.  I like your other one better, but maybe it's because I don't like this kind of poetry very much.
I see your little touches, but it's the subject matter that does it for this poem, as far as I'm concerned... and not your own writing flaws.
Rather good but not of my taste.  Consider it the best Martini in the world, served to the designated driver.
~Allan

You eat the brains of an old, wise man.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-08-27 12:06 PM

Wow this poem took a sudden twist which i just loved. I thought this poem was great but unfortunately dreams can be very deceiving...I wrote a poem a little while ago about a dream that i thought was real...Its an interesting thing to write about i think...N e wayz im babbling lol sorry! Nice job and i really liked it

Keep up the good work!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-08-27 05:12 AM

Quite an emotion charged piece here, Andrea. There is one person I could say this to at the moment. Too bad he lives on the other side of Australia now!

Now currently I've been slack and haven't read a scrap of your work. This piece shows how much emotion you have stored in you. Just to echo, don't beg for people to read your work. You'll find your replies way down.
Thanks for sharing this with us all and I look forward to more.

~AF~

I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot*

samt
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 52
Brisbane

7 posted 2001-08-27 05:28 AM

From the heart, this poem is good. I feel so bad, I feel so guilty.
I Love this poem.

Sam

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

8 posted 2001-08-27 08:47 PM

Nice write, deary. While readint his I thought i was gonna have to smakc you for hating something that seemed so perfect. HaHa, Here I was jealous as hell of this greta thing you were taking for granted. HeHe- But ya, you saved yourself at the end. LOL. Nice write- I really really enjoyed it.

Perhaps another? HeHe

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

9 posted 2001-08-27 10:50 PM

awwwwwwwwwwwwww..........i hate waking up after a good dream..

..it ruins everything!...this is a nice write andrea..i think you did nicely in it...not your best, centainly, but very good all the same..

Piece you life together and you WILL find holes.

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

10 posted 2001-08-28 07:54 AM

Well im very glad you took the time to write this... because i really enjoyed reading it, It's so perfect right up until the end. I was actually comparing it to a perfect relationship (which of course at the time we all judge) And it made me really happy that someone out there had found PERFECTION and almost mad that you hated it... but the end crushed me, i was almost going to reply and make you change it to something like "together forever" blah blah blah... but I've decided i like it... its different and its eye catching Very nice write, sorry i babbled

ALLIE

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

11 posted 2001-08-28 09:12 AM

Thank you guys! everything you have said about this poem sorry about me Telling you to take the time to read it. but it is long and i didnt think you would so once again thank you!

*You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun!

*gurls are sweet, Gurls are nice, but im the gurl with whip cream and ice

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

12 posted 2001-08-29 06:07 PM

yay! i use to have a poem up called i hate u...
yep...it wasnt really a poem...just me goin off
yours is very good
i might steal it...

"I have no never-again, I have no always"
Pablo Neruda

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

13 posted 2001-09-03 02:09 AM

Wow i really liked this one! I mean, thank God it's just a dream. It'd suck if you disliked something so right.
Well done on this poem!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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