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Teen Poetry #5
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Hardkore
Junior Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 33
San DIego, California

0 posted 2001-08-23 04:08 AM


I Know this isn't exactly a poem but it's short, and I thought someone might like it, feedback appreciated...thanks

I can't sleep anymore, I'm scared I'll see her in my dreams again.
How could such a beautiful face be so haunting.
There was a time when that very face sent waves of euphoria through my body.
It's mere sight made the air I breathed fresher, and the sun in which i bathed brighter.
Her bright blue eyes and saphier lips even made my meager life seem fulfilling.  
Alas these enhancements are a fleeting memory in the back of my mind, for faces of a ghost hold no enchantment.
Now that angelic face entices only fear and regret to swirl through my mind, only to be replaced with sorrow and shame.
The day we meet are fates were intwined, another reason I felt guilty of the crime.
When I saw that beautiful face I knew I would never escape.
The crime I comited was one of love.
For I loved her deeply, and to her a heart to take was mine.  
How could I know that it was my love that would kill her.
She had left behind an ex-fiance that was bitter.
When I was at work, he thought he'd get even, decided to hit her.
But he went to far, and decided if he could not have her, he would be better off dead.
Tragicaly he didn't want to go without her.
So now you know the crime of which I am guilty.
The reason I can not sleep, and fear the sight of her haunting face.  
My love had killed her, but this vicious love was not done, it had taken another victim.
This cruel virus suffocated my spirit, and set my heart on fire... left me alone and tired.



Passion fuels my love
Passion becomes consumed by my love
Without my love I become passionless


© Copyright 2001 Garrett Megaw - All Rights Reserved
allie
Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218
Australia
1 posted 2001-08-23 06:37 AM


I cant even begin to sympathyse *if thats how you spell it* with you... I have no idea what it would be like to not even be able to look at the one you love.

This ... poem i supose? Was so intense, it was amazing and I could almost feel your pain... So Sorry...

ALLIE

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
2 posted 2001-08-23 07:43 PM


Garrett!!!  

within your beautiful words unfolded one horrific story....i was enjoying your beautiful imagery at the begining of your poem and then when i finished i have to admit i felt a chill run down my spine! this is the first ive read from you and although the content was sumwhat melencholy i enjoyed it thoroughly. thanks for sharing

Outside Ab Simpsons N.Home:
'Thanks for not mentioning the outside world.'

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
3 posted 2001-08-23 08:06 PM


Oh my....
....Wow...........
This is so terribly sad...True story? Oh my- I surely hope not. But Garrett, wow! You wrote this SO well. And it did have a poetic flow to it...We shall call it "free Verse."  ( My fav.   )This was beautiful. Honestly. The description was wonderful which lead the way to amazing imagery. The words you chose were selected perfectly. Wow! I'm so impressed! loved this!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

4 posted 2001-08-24 02:56 AM


When I read this I came to a vastly different conclusion from you.  This whole tragedy must be sparking similar differences in feelings for those around you.  I would have blamed it all on the ex-fiance.  However, perhaps I am wrong in saying this.  How can I tell how I would act in such a devastating tragedy?

The poem was well written, and I can see that you chose to get straight to the point in your writing.  This is quite admirable - namely that you've chosen to be so bold as to convey such a dark event in this open forum.  

You have my congradulations as well as my own sorrow.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Delirious_Smurf
Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.
5 posted 2001-08-25 11:44 AM



Very cool ending I liked alot...and I liked the way it wasn't quite a poem yet in a way it was.


Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

Heavens Tears
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

6 posted 2001-08-25 01:01 PM


This was a beautiful poem.  I consider it a poem anyway.  Doesnt it suck that in order to write something so wonderful, you had to experience something to bitter?  I know that feeling.  Well, I hope that everything turns out OK, and I look forward to more great poetry.
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2001-08-27 06:37 PM


I liked the poem. It was very powerful. Well done here.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Hardkore
Junior Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 33
San DIego, California
8 posted 2001-08-27 07:25 PM


This was a character write, never happened to me.
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