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Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-08-21 11:20 PM


  Perturbed Melody  

Red moon teetering on the edge of the sea,
placid orange skies, beckoning me.
Christmas in the frost,
blood in the air,
gold-bound smiles, flaxen and fair.

Red moon teetering on the filmy sky
casting us down with a menacing eye
clairvoyant hue,
obedient moans,
kept with a whip to the peons he owns.

Red moon teetering on the edge of the sea,
caramel coated memories, concealing the key.
little girl lost,
glitter in her hair,
wondering how she ended up there.

Red moon faltering to ignorant pleas
shaking his fur of blood-thirsty fleas
biting his fists
and scorning the light
crunching our bones in his frostbitten sight.

Red moon teetering on the edge of the sea,
like the surreal forlorn picture, and the lonely melody.
my paintbrush is clinging
to a pallet of gray,
painting a picture of what words can’t say.

Red moon wavering harmony's woes
sipping the seashine, the wavestream that glows
fountain of hope
river despair
reservoir clotting his studious stare.

Red moon teetering on the edge of the sea,
unsinging wind chimes, spiraling free.
the glory left over
is in grandma’s old chest,
gathering dust is what it does best.

Red moon retreating with forks in his eyes
mortals ignoring his pitious cries
crimson apocalypse
falls on the land
kingdom of ashes returning to sand.

--Marie and Allan

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 08-21-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
AngelPoet87
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since 2001-04-21
Posts 280
Indy
1 posted 2001-08-21 11:31 PM


*reminds herself to breath* Ummmmm.... *can't remember english* wow

~speachless ali~

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel.

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
2 posted 2001-08-21 11:36 PM


*chokes*  ........

*eyes start watering*  

this is AWESOME!!..i love this one!!! i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED the format and the syllables and the repitition and EVERY darn thing about this!!!
i can see both the influence allan and maire had on this piece..you guys are dynamic together!!.... to this piece and you two!! WOOOOOOoo HooooooOOoo!!!

Outside Ab Simpsons N.Home:
'Thanks for not mentioning the outside world.'

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
3 posted 2001-08-21 11:37 PM


.....*clicks onto the library button*....

Outside Ab Simpsons N.Home:
'Thanks for not mentioning the outside world.'

fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
4 posted 2001-08-22 12:17 PM


My oh my what a piece...what a piece.  You two seem to have quite a chemistry together.  you have impressed me over here.  Hopefully, we can look forward to more.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-08-22 12:58 PM


Thanks muchly everyone!  Marie, a pleasure to work with you once more.  We did it all, and we had some formatting too.  So now we've both taught one another a thing or two, haven't we?  
I await more input.  Thanks as always, Passions in Poetry.
Yours,
~Allan


You eat the brains of an old, wise man.

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 08-22-2001).]

sorrowfulangel
Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 59
Memphis,TN
6 posted 2001-08-22 01:04 AM


i must say i really like this.....it's not like anything i've ever read before....-applause-

"god is the biggest under-achiever I know,something good happens god is great,something bad happens,he now works in mysterious ways"

Angel_in_Armor
New Member
since 2001-08-22
Posts 2

7 posted 2001-08-22 02:53 AM


I absolutly love the hidden reference to were's, how you two have left it open at the same time, not really naming the subject, and only giving subtle hints.
Or, at least I assume it's reffering to a were of some form in there. ^_^;;
But in all honesty, I think my favorite stanzas were the final one, with the crimson apocalypse, and the fifth one, reffering to the paintbrush...

Simply put, I appluad your efforts and talent, and the somehow lucid flow of two talents as one. I honestly would've thought one person had written it alone. Bravo!

allie
Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218
Australia
8 posted 2001-08-22 03:28 AM


Woa!

I really loved that one, chilling poem...

Very good work you two!

ALLIE

Fading Away
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9 posted 2001-08-22 11:17 AM


Ali - Hehe, always remember to breathe!     Thanks for the reply!  I'm glad you liked it so much!

Cherish - Wowsers.. don't choke!!     Thanks SO much for such an enthusiastic reply!  I'm glad you liked it!

fozzyozzy - chemistry, eh?  Hehe.. I might have to agree with you there    Thanks for the reply!

Allan - *high five*  It was awesome working with you again, also.  I'm still excited about rhyming!!  Hehe..    You're awesome!

Sorrowfulangel - I'm glad we've opened your eyes to see new things   I'm glad you liked it.  Thanks for the reply!

Angel_in_Armor - Welcome to Passions in Poetry!  Very good of you to write a reply as your first post.  I always love that.     I don't quite understand what you mean.. "referring to a were"?  Anyhow, thanks for the reply!  It's kind of strange, seeing as Allan and I both have VERY different writing styles.  How we can come up with something so camoflouged is beyond me.  But Allan's also great to work with!

Allie - thanks so much for the reply!  Chilling... hehe.  I like!  

Thank you all for replying.  It means bunches to both me and Allan!  I look forward to reading more wonderful replies  

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

TunaKaHuna
Junior Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 19
United States
10 posted 2001-08-22 12:16 PM


Your poems have all ways been astonishing Marie, let alone working with someone with the same amount of gift!  You both have so much talent, easy to see that. Both of you know just how to end each other's lines, phrases, everything to have the poem speak to everyone who reads it. I am left speechless to what else to say. Keep up the exellent work, both of you. It was very cold, but warm to my soul to read your poem. I could imagine the beach now. I enjoyed your writing very much.

--Brenton

mistic
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
11 posted 2001-08-22 01:43 PM


Awesome!   *is in complete awe*   Into my library it goes...
~Steph

Life is an open book with many unwritten pages, write something that's meaningful to you there.

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
12 posted 2001-08-22 03:39 PM


This one was awesome you guys. Excellent job. It's going in the library. This one was amazing. Loved the ending
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Poet Unknown
Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140
Missouri
13 posted 2001-08-22 04:02 PM


what can you say to that other than wow

Only darkness falls on those without souls

Child of the Stars
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since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
14 posted 2001-08-22 08:06 PM



  Clairvoyant. Now THAT is a three-million dollar-word. This was incredible, guys. InCrEdIbLe. Wait..credible... I knew you two could come up with such a masterpiece. Its believeable, henceforth credible, and yet, incredible.... *sighs* teetering, teetering, teetering, faltering, teetering, wavering, teetering...retreating...the way all the stanzas meshed together, had a format, read easily and STILL held Marie's kick booty free verse style.........wow.
  ~Carly

Speak softly and carry a beagle.

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught."
   ~Edouard Manet

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
15 posted 2001-08-22 09:33 PM


I am in awe...this is beautiful. And no, I'm not going to go over it line by line and all that...I'm too tired.  
The format and flow was amazing. A really exquisite piece. Both of you are extraordinary poets, and with your talents combined, you two are able to write the most expressive and stunning poetry I'll ever have the honour of reading. I commend you both! I look forward to reading more from you! *mumbles* A library piece indeed...

-£êåh

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
16 posted 2001-08-22 09:46 PM


WOW!  
Yep... 2 of the most incredible writers here at PIP, with the most different styles..have inevitabley come together to form one kick arse poem that leaves me with the lame reply... "Wow." hahaha.  Really you guys- this was absolutely incredible. I for one am blown away. You guys impressed me big time.The flow was awesome, the format...everything...it was just incredible. I ecspecially loved the first line in the stanzas...how they started out as repetition...but then completely changed when you got more into the line. And I'm w/ Angel- I loved the last stanza above all.  Nice word usage throughout the whole poem... So ya, Um, I would like that (autograph) made out to " OUr dear friend Jessica "The Great."
LMAO.
Bye guys! Hope to see another soon!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Fading Away
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17 posted 2001-08-23 11:46 PM


Brenton - *hug* Your reply always means bunches to me.  I'm so glad I have your approval on this one.  Talk to you soon!  

Steph - Thank you!    

Keoni - Heh, the ending's prolly my fav part as well   Thanks!

Poet Unknown - Wowsers, another wow!  Heh    Thanks for the reply!

Carly - Clairvoyant.. yes, an awesome word.. *points to Allan* he's the genius who came up with that one!  But.. I'm sure that's no surprise     Incredible... credible... that confused me a tad!  Heh, thanks so much for the awesome reply.  Formatted poem with free verse... heh, I guess that's pretty cool.      *hug*  Having your reply on this one makes writing (half of it) completely worth it!

Leah - Heh, no need to go over it line by line!  Thanks for the reply.. I'm SO glad to have your approval  

This autograph is to.. "Our dear friend, Jesa the Great!"      That enthusiastic reply means a lot to me, and I'm sure it means just as much to Allan.  Thanks so much for it.. I'm glad you enjoyed it.. and yes, I think (hopefully) there might be another soon!  Like I said before, Allan's great to work with.  

Thanks all for the replies!  You're all too awesome!!    

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 08-23-2001).]

anonymous albert ?
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18 posted 2001-09-06 04:12 PM


oMg the collb of two of my FAV poets.. you talented writers blend together and this came out amazing...awesome piece of work you two!...and GREAT use of SAT words there...ey? ...i truly enjoyed the read...cant wait for the next collb by you two...wOW...buh bye Allan + MArie

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry-

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
19 posted 2001-09-07 03:54 AM


OMG!!! You two!! WHOA!! *blown away*
This is just fantastic! You two have a completely awesome rhyme scheme happening here and the wording is spectacular. Not enough words can describe how much i love this piece so I'm just going to send it to the library and drool over it. lol  

Write more collabs you two.  

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Ree Ree
Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56
providence, RI
20 posted 2002-01-20 01:17 PM


This is such a kewl poem, i don't know what else to say... nice write..   : )
aaron woodside
Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256

21 posted 2002-01-20 04:22 PM


This poem is pretty amazing.  I loved the imagery you used.  I could almost see everything in my mind's eye.  The fact that it was written by 2 people impresses me even more.  

The 3rd and last stanzas are my favorite.  The third with the girl w/ the glitter in her hair, standing around lost.  Very nice imagery.  I picture a girl standing on some sort of cliff above the ocean.  And the last stanza about the apocalypse and kingdoms returning to sand just sounds like humanity to me.

One other thing I can see how Angel-in-armor could think this poem was about a Were of some sort.  As in werewolf.  The first through fourth could all seem to be refering to such, as well as the first couple lines of stanza 8.

Well anyway I really liked this piece, and hope to read more from you both TOGETHER again soon.

ex animo
Aaron

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

Fading Away
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22 posted 2002-01-20 10:10 PM


Wow!  This has been brought back up!  Heh..

Alby: You replied a while ago, but I never got the chance to thank you We haven't done a collab since.  Hmm, maybe we should do another?

Liz: Another who replied a while ago.  But thanks so much, just the same!  *bigggg hugs*

Ree Ree: Thanks so much for replying!  You were the one who brought it back up, eh?     Your comment means a lot to me!

Aaron: Thanks so much for replying as well.  I appreciated the in-depth repsonse.  (And, just for the record, I wrote the 3rd stanza, Allan wrote the last )  Thanks so much for reading.

THANKS YOU GUYS!  Love you all very, very much!  

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

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