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Teen Poetry #5
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I almost loved you
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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I almost loved you |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC 
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I almost loved you I want to write about the waynighttime revolved around youin moon-darkened silenceand how the stars splashed across your facein silver shadows. I want to write about the way your whispersspilled from your lips like wineand how your skinheld so many delicious secrets. I want to write about the wayyou breathed my nameas if it were a song,and the way your laughterbounced off the skies. I want to write about the wayyour tears felllike broken diamonds,and how your breath gave me life. I want to write about YOU -of your beautyand how it transcends me.and I want to write about the wayI almost loved you... *You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun! |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrea L. Figueroa - All Rights Reserved | |||
punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
rad poem i like how you put some of the words together. robin i don't give up without a fight so boys beware! |
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Jezziekaka Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58where the trees touch the sky |
wow! very romantic. I liked this a lot!  good job be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I really liked this. VERY beautiful write.. the imagery was very well done.. I onlyhave one suggestion. To help it flow bertter and make it easier to read, maybe you could try... "I almost loved you... I want to write about the way nighttime revolved around you in moon-darkened silence and how the stars splashed across your face in silver shadows. I want to write about the way your whispers spilled from your lips like wine and how your skin held so many delicious secrets. I want to write about the way you breathed my nameas if it were a song, and the way your laughter bounced off the skies. I want to write about the way your tears fell like broken diamonds, and how your breath gave me life. I want to write about YOU - of your beauty and how it transcends me. and I want to write about the way I almost loved you..." There you go. That would help a bunch.. I enjoyed this nonetheless. VERY well written. Wonderful thoughts and beautiful words.. I am impressed! Nice work. --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is really good I too agree with Marie in maybe using the form in writing you poem This is probably the first of all your poems that I've read I'm totally impressed if I may say Excellent read Thanks for sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I agree with Marie 100% The poem would be comeplete "wow" material if it was done in that form. Loved what you had to say here though! You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I swear I think you're walking around somewhere inside my head. I could totally realate to that poem. Wow. Sugarpie313 married my poem! (that's my poem, not your poem! pooh!) |
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