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Teen Poetry #5
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punkrockerrobin
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since 2001-05-15
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Sparks, NV

0 posted 2001-08-21 02:29 AM


the day i said hello to you,
i never thought i'd fall in love with you.
the love you have showed me,
i shall not forget if we ever part.

the day i said hello,
was the day i my life changed.
instead of saying friend i say,
the one who makes me happy eveyday.

the day i said hello,
is the day i won't forget!

robin
ok so i'm no good at love poems! just thought i'd give it a try.


i'm lovin this ct it's awesome!!



i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

[This message has been edited by poeticgirl01 (edited 08-21-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Robin Hill - All Rights Reserved
punkrockerrobin
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Sparks, NV
1 posted 2001-08-21 02:38 AM


can ya tell i didn't have my glasses on when i wrote this?

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

TopGunLauren
Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718
California
2 posted 2001-08-21 03:17 AM


I liked your poem is was good keep up the great work!
  Lauren

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
3 posted 2001-08-21 12:14 PM


"the day i said hello to you,
i never thought i'd fall in love with you."

We never know what tomorrow will bring.   A simple word or simple action can lead to something more, no?

"the love you have showed me,
i shall not forget if we ever part."

...and somethings we never forget...nicely done.

"instead of saying friend i say,
the one who makes me happy eveyday."

The flow was a bit off here. But I understand what you're trying to say.

It was a good attempt to write a love poem, Robin. Simple and to the point, although it did lack a bit or emotion and depth. But nonetheless, a very sweet poem! Good work!  

£êåh

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

slickpnkgal
New Member
since 2001-08-12
Posts 5

4 posted 2001-08-21 05:43 PM


tks you liked it you really really liked it   hahah so anyways tks for the support.
robin


punkrockerrobin
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Sparks, NV
5 posted 2001-08-21 05:46 PM


ok sorry i keep forgetting to switch names when i'm at my friends house.
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

Jezziekaka
Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58
where the trees touch the sky
6 posted 2001-08-21 06:30 PM


very sweet  

be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise!

Fading Away
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Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-08-21 06:31 PM


This was a very nice love poem... I agree with Leah when she said it's lacking emotion.  I think this could be a VERY good poem if you put a little more into it.. Nicely done, though.  I enjoyed it   Thanks for sharing.

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

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