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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2001-08-20 03:32 PM

You don't see me walk in.
I am invisible to you.
You've never noticed my presence.
I always notice you.
I am the one in the corner,
with her hair hanging in her face.
With her blue bookbag
and silver glasses.
if you looked close enough,
you would see the pain,
that has fought it's way,
deep into my eyes.
You would see
all the hate I have,
all the emotion I feel,
and my purple sparkle nailpolish.

Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

1 posted 2001-08-20 03:43 PM

This was nice, and the ending was kinda humorous, but I personally think that it ruined the emotion and power that the poem holds. While it is still good, I think it would be better if you held the powerful ending.

*If you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.*

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

2 posted 2001-08-20 04:30 PM

i agree

You know you 've completely descended into madness when the matter of shampoo has ascended to philosophical heights

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-08-20 09:55 PM

no i liked the ending..it sorta went "hey see you might think im one sort of "clique" or stereotype, but i DO know how to have fun..and if you looked at the real me instead of making fun of me or looking at me like im sum sort of insect then youd see that i am sumone special and sumone whos fun to be around"...i liked it losta allysa..i LOVE my PURPLE SPARKLE nailpolish too!!!!

"Kiss my Starfish!
My chocolate Starfish punk!"
-'Hot dog'
Limp Bizket

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-08-21 06:02 PM

I'm with Cherish on this one. I completely agree with her. So her are my ditto quotes : " "
hehehe
Off I go! Thanks for the read.
I loved it!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-08-21 06:05 PM

This was very well written, Allysa.
"if you looked close enough,
you would see the pain,
that has fought it's way,
deep into my eyes."
I can really relate to this... I loved the ending. If you look behind the words, then you might see the real meaning. I agree with Cherish.. I think you're trying to say if this person looks behind the cliche "stuff", then they might see the real you... I liked this. Very nice work!

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-08-24 11:06 PM

This was quite nice....i enjoyed this a lot.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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