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SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

0 posted 2001-08-19 10:49 PM

Dream

When I close my eyes at nightI dream of you holding me tightWith your arms around me, I'm safefree from this world, in a new place.I see us happy togetherSmiling back at each otherso you're with me all the timeyou live within this heart of mine.Near or far we'll knowthat only our love will growWhat we have I can't describeI only know when I'm with you I feel aliveWhat I see is how I feelI know in time it could be realso take my hand and you'll seethat all these dreams will soon be our reality...

__________________________________
thank you for the replies!!!

*You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun!

*gurls are sweet, Gurls are nice, but im the gurl with whip cream and ice

I hope y

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

1 posted 2001-08-19 11:14 PM

whoa i dont' know what to say. Powerful i must say, but the complete lack of format could affect it a little. I don't know if it's symbolic of anything, I'm not very analytical tonight

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

2 posted 2001-08-20 03:15 AM

Wow... your poem is very powerful just like all your other poems I have read.I really enjoy your poetry and I can't wait to read more!
Lauren

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

3 posted 2001-08-20 07:00 AM

This poem makes me smile, you wrote about something so happy and I feel happy reading it... nothing better than a poet who makes you smile!

Reagards,

ALLIE

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-08-21 01:27 PM

Very nice write... I would suggest breaking up the lines to make it more of a poem rather than prose. That would be my only critique

Nicely done. Very sweet, and optimistic poem. Hope to see more!

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

Jezziekaka
Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 58
where the trees touch the sky

5 posted 2001-08-21 06:33 PM

"tightWith your arms around me, I'm safefree from this world"

this is the part I liked best

be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise!

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

6 posted 2001-08-22 07:27 PM

Nice write, but damnit- seperate the lines! hehehe... Thanks for the read.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-08-27 06:34 PM

I really enjoy reading your work. I find it to be awesome. Another poem well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

8 posted 2001-08-28 10:35 AM

I agree with Jesa... man it was great, but it was hard to read. If you seperated the lines, it would be more effective.

Nice work tho.

Jenn

"Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill

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