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HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

0 posted 2001-08-19 06:30 PM

This is one of the first poems I ever wrote. It may not be that good, but It does express the thoughts I had at that moment. It's a glimps into the cavernous pit which is my mind and the open wound that was my heart....
************************

If only she knew,
what he put himself through.
If only she had heard his lips,
as they uttered those words and mouthed a kiss.

If only she could see,
the love that they could be.
If only she could feel,
his love which is so real.

In his soul he is barely braving the storm,
he needs a companion to keep him warm.
A guide some would say to light the way,
to lead him to yet another day.

If only she could see,
the love that they could be.
If only she could feel,
his love which is so real.

Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually).

cutie2005
Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 148
Bennett, Colorado USA

1 posted 2001-08-19 07:42 PM

This was a very good poem!!! I really like how you express yourself in it, it's great!!!!  Thankyou for sharing it, I liked the read!
    Always,
     Amanda

If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them!

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

2 posted 2001-08-19 09:45 PM

This is a great write, especially considering it was one of the first you ever wrote. Thanks for the read!

~Ali~

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

3 posted 2001-08-19 09:54 PM

i like it a lot! dude this is such a rad poem.
robin
ps.sorry i'm not much of a talker but sometimes i am.

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-08-19 10:00 PM

Pretty damn good for a first-ever poem. I liked the reptition of that one stanza. Nice read here. Showed your thoughts well.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

5 posted 2001-08-19 10:09 PM

I wonder how long ago you wrote this? Pretty good. Did you ever give this to anybody? Sometimes, it can be effective. Good job by the way

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

6 posted 2001-08-20 03:24 AM

Your poem is very good and I really enjoyed it.
Lauren

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

7 posted 2001-08-20 12:30 PM

Awwww, Guys. You know, it this keeps up I might actualy start thinking I can write. Who knows, I may be on to something......
Nope, I didn't give it to anyone, I should have, but I wrote a dopey love letter instead, don't ask. That advice, fozzyozzy, came a little to late.

Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually).

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

8 posted 2001-08-20 03:16 PM

This was a wonderfully sweet poem. I loved the language and the emotion that poured from this. Great job!!

*If you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.*

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

9 posted 2001-08-20 03:20 PM

That was way awesome!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

10 posted 2001-08-20 09:44 PM

"If only she could see,
the love that they could be.
If only she could feel,
his love which is so real."

I'm a "if only" kind of girl myself, so I realate to this soooooo much. great poem

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

11 posted 2001-08-20 09:47 PM

*sighs*.....aw man this is really cute!..i liked it ..your first poem usually holds a special place in your heart and you certainly did very well with this one! thanks for giving us a peek!

"Kiss my Starfish!
My chocolate Starfish punk!"
-'Hot dog'
Limp Bizket

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

12 posted 2001-08-21 05:43 PM

"If only she could see,
the love that they could be.
If only she could feel,
his love which is so real."
I liked that stanza. The repitition you used in this piece was well done, I thought. Nicely done... VERY good for a first poem. Impressive.. Oh, and you ARE on to something.. You're a talented writer!

Well done. I enjoyed this one.

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

13 posted 2001-08-21 05:51 PM

has anybody told you that you're kool!
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

14 posted 2001-08-26 02:47 AM

This was simply awesome. I really felt the power in this poem. Very great job, one of my favs today. Keep sharing with us and i'll keep reading.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

15 posted 2001-08-26 09:48 PM

I loved this i really did ..very good work and love to read your work!!! in my libary it goes!!!

*You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun!

*gurls are sweet, Gurls are nice, but im the gurl with whip cream and ice

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

16 posted 2002-12-04 07:07 PM

*bows* again.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change? -Dishwalla-

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