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No escape
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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No escape |
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Wood_Stock Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 58The little yellow |
Well, I haven't checked out the site for a while, but I must say, I've missed a lot of talent. You got some new members I see. Lot's of great stuff going on in here.. Anywayz, this doesn't seem so good anymore! But I hope you enjoy it none the less... oh, check out my other post too "She loves me, she loves me not." Why not plug my work, eh?! heh heh heh... - Wood_Stock. - No escape - The moment of truth is upon us. Infinity's eye staring down. Once held the strength of the mountains. Breeze can now tear up the ground. Petals wither, and tumble from sight. Like a tear from my eye. The sun that was there, lighting the way. Has now been removed from my sky. The wind that once blew has gone stale. Trees are still bent from the pain. Hundreds of years with the weight of the world. A moment of peace cannot change. The earth erupts in anger. The stars are still out of reach. Smoke stings my eyes, and surrounds me. A dark, choking prison, I can't breach. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Noel Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
Wow... im going to be boring and mention the wonderful imagery here... REALLY amazing ALLIE |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Your poem is very cool I loved it keep up the great work! Lauren |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
*pulls out scalpal* 'Infinity's eye staring down.' Infinity's eye...interesting...So, would that be the sky? Intriguing...*strokes chin* ^^ 'Petals wither, and tumble from sight. Like a tear from my eye.' Very perceptive of you...I suppose that when petals wither, they tend to look heavier. And rather than float down, the tumble... Great simile. Tears always seem heavy, don't they? 'The sun that was there, lighting the way. Has now been removed from my sky.' I never really thought of the sky being posessed by one...it was just there. Still, it's a very effective idea. I like it very much... 'Trees are still bent from the pain.' The pain of the wind going stale? That's an idea...hmmm...  'The earth erupts in anger.' Ooh, very powerful there. I can picture that clearly in my mind... 'The stars are still out of reach.' That line stood out...as if all of a sudden everything seemed hopeless...and will stay that way. Again, very effective and appropriate. 'A dark, choking prison, I can't breach.' A good way to close and conclude the poem. It allows the person to see how there is no escape, which relates to your title. I'm done disecting your poem...lol. Overall, I'm very impressed. It felt very dark, as I suppose it should be...seeing as there is no escape. Your imagery was excellent, and you put a lot of thought into this, I see. I enjoyed this immensely! A job well done!  I hope to see more of your poetry. And thank you for a wonderful read! -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 08-19-2001).] |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
^ |What is up with her and her long arse replies lately? LOL ANYWAY- Yes, very dark poem in my eyes as well...Muwahaha- I loved it. Glad to see you posting more. You were always one of my more favorite posters. I too like the lines about the stars out of reach and the earth erupting in anger. Very awesome.  You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Well, I was going to rip it apart stanza by stanza... but I see someone beat me to the punch! ^^ Hehe.. this is a very dark poem. The tone is eery, and the descritions you used enhanced the whole mysterious feel. The imagery is absolutely amazing. That's the thing I love most about poetry.. imagery. Wonderful work. "Petals wither, and tumble from sight. Like a tear from my eye. The sun that was there, lighting the way. Has now been removed from my sky." Just awesome, powerful lines here. You're a very talented writer. I hope to see more soon! --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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