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ryun
Junior Member

since 2000-01-25

Posts 33
elsinore, ca, usa

0 posted 2001-08-17 12:14 PM

I'v found expression with my breath
to let go without just a sec
anxiety shyness my final test
nothing left to loose
but i hold so much in
even speaking to you...
this paper and pen...
hesitate... then write
and think time and time again
winding down to every hours end...
my mind goes blank...
so i guess this is the end?!...

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2001-08-17 02:11 PM

I really liked the way you wrote this, the word choice and the ..... and everything. It was a completely awesome poem! Keep it up!

Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-17 07:13 PM

this was different. Not exactly my fav of your resent posts that I've seen...but I still liked it.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

3 posted 2001-08-17 07:22 PM

i enjoyed this very much

cant wait to see more.

You know you 've completely descended into madness when the matter of shampoo has ascended to philosophical heights

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-08-20 10:55 PM

This wasn't as good as your others, but still a well written poem. You used similar sounding words to make somewhat of a rhyme scheme that was very inconsistent. Hrm.. I still enjoyed this. The idea was very creative.. and thought provoking.
"this paper and pen...
hesitate... then write
and think time and time again
winding down to every hours end..."
I liked those lines. You almost made it sound like the pen writes.. not you making it write. Reminds me of a quote from a famous writer.. "The characters choose what I write. They say the words in my head, and I just write them down." I enjoyed this, ryun. Nice work!

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

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