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zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

0 posted 2001-08-14 04:47 PM

Time is stopping
The world is dying
An honest man is lying
The universe is ending
atmosphere
exploding

Chaos is standfast
Rain is sun
A little child plays with his gun
Fear and madness
The sky is red
color of blood

A great ocean of sorrow
lays over us
we're getting fainter
only shadows' left
echoes of voices
shallow whispers
'doomed..'
'destiny..'

soulless
lifeless
merciless
so very pathetic
I can see my mirror image
holding a knife in her hand
as I'm sliding down
And I am laughing

what a hollow sound

---- I wrote this at nigth some time when I couldn't sleep.. Now when I read it, I can't understand it at all. It's really weird.----

I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-08-14 05:15 PM

Some of the best poetry may be written when we are half lucid. Nicely done, Carina. I really enjoyed this.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-15 06:28 PM

I, personally, liked the last stanza and line best. For some odd reason they just stood out to me. The poem isn't one of my favs from you- but it's still an excellent write.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

3 posted 2001-08-16 10:38 AM

This had my attention captured very well and I kept looking for what was next. Great job

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

silvrduck
Member

since 2000-11-05

Posts 146

4 posted 2001-08-16 05:03 PM

I really *really* like this.. great job! it really got my mind going.. intriguing.

Keep up the great work, i'm interested in reading more from you!

Sarah

*love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.*

pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

5 posted 2001-08-16 05:35 PM

well, you have just sumed up humanity as we know it. it's sad, but unfortunately true. great job on the poem (my fav. time to write is when i'm in and out of consciousness b/c it's always fun to go back and see what i was thinking) again, great job!!

me

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

6 posted 2001-08-16 06:24 PM

well thanks everyone.
this poem is.. somehow strange.
at least it's different from all of my other poems.

I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you?

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-08-17 05:44 AM

Nah this isn't at all strange. In fact, I rather liked the way it was written and the fact that you wrote it when you couldn't sleep. Like Marie said, the best pieces come when we are lucid.
"A great ocean of sorrow
lays over us
we're getting fainter
only shadows' left
echoes of voices
shallow whispers
'doomed..'
'destiny..'"
That stanza was well written. Some great images in this piece. Be proud.

~AF~

I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot*

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