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ryun
Junior Member

since 2000-01-25

Posts 33
elsinore, ca, usa

0 posted 2001-08-14 12:52 PM

Sitting gazing off at the views
yet somethings missing
I start feeling confused

What are these feelings, emotions
no conclusions coming to...

in all it's bliss
perfect situations
not a twist
we stand with our fist
bounded by passion in
my perfect emptyness
kaotic thoughts
and the part of me
that never quits
never stoping
Im in the midst
of emotionals colapse
the distance so far
my heart can't grasp
holding onto the few dreams
i catch......

i am the man that
speaks without breath
speaking from my heart...
with an awakaning caress...

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

1 posted 2001-08-14 01:24 PM

awesome poem

Only darkness falls on those without souls

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-08-14 04:29 PM

I liked the ending.. the last four lines were my fav. This piece isn't my fav by you. I liked the title, and the content is well done. I just think there's something missing here, and I can't quite put my finger on it.. hrm. Nicely done just the same. I look forward to your next, so keep posting your poetry.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2001-09-09 02:54 AM

ryun-
   This is very good!
   You've done a wonderful job of expressing
   these thoughts.
   Much enjoyed!

   *smiles*
   ~vicky

"...a heartbeat in every syllable..."
-vlraynes
<a href="http://www.home.earthlink.net/~vraynes/">

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

4 posted 2001-09-09 04:14 AM

i agree the endin was what gave the poem a kick.
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-09-09 07:43 PM

I liked the poem very much! Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

6 posted 2001-09-09 10:51 PM

I liked this a whole bunch. It was really cool and I too agree the ending rocked soo much

Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

7 posted 2001-09-10 03:38 AM

ooooooooooooh loving this poem right here! very well done on this one ryun!!

"Somehow I managed to single handedly betray myself" Javier Agosto

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

8 posted 2001-09-10 07:56 AM

"kaotic thoughts
and the part of me
that never quits
never stoping"

I can definately relate to the stanza i put above...this was a great piece!! Enjoyed it a lot..I really like how your poems flow so nicely and freely...good job and keep it up!

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

9 posted 2001-09-16 02:34 AM

I as well loved the last lil stanza...
Nice lil flow ya had going here.

United we stand, Divided we fall.
Never say die.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

10 posted 2001-09-17 04:05 AM

Great piece. The last few lines weren't my fave, these were.
"Im in the midst
of emotionals colapse
the distance so far
my heart can't grasp
holding onto the few dreams
i catch......"

Emotionals collapse is a good way to describe a lot of lives. Well done.

~AF~

"Who needs enemies,
When you've got friends like these
Caught between me and myself again"
Motor Ace - Enemies

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

11 posted 2001-09-17 05:57 PM

great piece, keep up the great work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Your FAITH is all you need"

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