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Indecision
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Indecision |
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California Rockstar Junior Member
since 2001-08-09
Posts 13State of Confusion |
Twelve white roses stare at me from the desk. Their color seems to scream, "YOU ARE TAINTED! You'll never be as pure as our white!" Even the full green leaves seem more perfect than i will ever be. Maybe i'm hearing his voice screaming from the past, through this present: "You're not straight-edge!" and later, "You're damaged, you're not whole." And he calls saying i am beautiful, that he misses me. Somehow after two years and six days he still thinks that it is love in his heart. But his actions batter worse than words. And he still ignores my requests, doing what he wants anyway. I told him not to come, yet these idiot flowers sit staring at me, mocking me. My cheek still burns with anger from the kiss he planted as he left. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Ann Shotwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hmm... quite the interesting style you appear to have. You made an excellent choice of colour, white flowers... the colour white has many connotations that aided me in inhabiting the perfect mood required for this poem. Still as white, speaking harshly at you and criticizing you for never being quite so pure. That hit me as some sort of religious metaphor, but I'm not certain. Aside from this, you reveal just enough in this poem to spark the curiousity of the reader, but not so much as to make it completely straight-forward. I did enjoy reading this. You communicated the feeling very accurately and vividly painted the image. A superb first post. Welcome to Passions in Poetry. Yours, ~Allan The children of the nobility are playing here. they look up at you with disgust as you come near. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
nevermind this second post, it's not important.  [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 08-11-2001).] |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
Hhhm, it threw me a little, although I too took great attention to the part about the white flower as a metaphor for pure, colour is an excellent use of metaphor as it can show so many emotions, I really enjoyed this post and hope to see more soon! Keep writing ^*~Kicking Kim~*^  "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
hey i thought this was a great first poset. i especially like the part about the white roses. keep up the good work It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a very mysterious poem. The reader doesn't know what's going on... whether the father or the boyfriend is speaking harshly, criticizing you. I really like that... It kept me intrigued throughout. I like the metaphors of the colors and flowers. I also really liked the way you ended it with the flowers seeming to mock you. I really connected with this poem... the long lines, and story-like format fits this poem very well, when normally I wouldn't like that. Very nicely done... Creativity is always a good thing And welcome to passions in poetry!  I look forward to reading many more posts and replies from you in the future!Wonderful work. A lot can be said from this poem. Your talent is evident, and I look forward to the next. So keep posting all your work! --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow! Powerful first post! Please check your email for a special greeting! ~SEA |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I liked this. It's an extremely good first post. A very powerful poem with alot of great metaphors. Welcome to Passions, I hope to see more soon. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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California Rockstar Junior Member
since 2001-08-09
Posts 13State of Confusion |
I just want to tell everyone thanks for making me feel so welcome! Dopey has been trying to get me to post for months, and the idea totally freaked me out, but i'm glad I did. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Oh no- Another Dopey groupie...LOL. Kidding.  ANYWAY! The poem! Wow! I liked it alot. I agree w/ Marie...I was left in mystery as to who it was about, the father or the boyfriend. Very well done here. All other thoughts of mine would have already been said by Allan. HeHe- He pretty much covered em. Hope to see more. |
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