Forgotten Soldier (a paradelle)

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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-08-11 03:11 AM

you, my shadow
you, my shadow
stepping as I do
stepping as I do
I do my stepping as you
shadow...

march with me onward
march with me onward
steps left behind
steps left behind
steps, march onward
with me left behind

the shadow who cowers
the shadow who cowers
from the sun, right away
from the sun, right away
away from the sun cowers who?
the shadow, right?

onward, march with me! left, right!
stepping the steps away from my shadow
who, as you, the sun cowers behind

do I, shadow?

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2001-08-11 10:01 AM

Allan~
These are difficult to do ... yet you have done it so well.
Most enjoyable~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2001-08-11 11:09 AM

Definitely my favourite format and such a wonderful example, I really enjoyed the read Allan great work.

Zu

" In childhood we live under the brightness of immortality - heaven is as near and as actual as the seaside"- Graham Greene " Ministry of Fear

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

3 posted 2001-08-11 01:42 PM

One of many forms I'll never be able to master! You really made this style fit into the subject matter, and it doesn't seem to be easy with this form. Yet another great piece from you, my friend. Keep 'em coming!

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

4 posted 2001-08-11 03:08 PM

wow this is great. excellent work allan. love it hun. *hugs*
tiff

Blood Moon
Host: lark.crodo.com
Port: 1313

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 08-11-2001).]

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

5 posted 2001-08-11 03:48 PM

Paradelles are hard...too hard...I think you've nearly mastered it though, Allan! You did exceptionally well on this one, and I'm very impressed. Glad to see you posting again, Allan of Riverwood.

I have yet to see more from you.

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

6 posted 2001-08-11 08:09 PM

Alan, this was an excellent poem, I loved it and as some of the others said you present this way so well. It worked perfectly and this is an astonishing outcome, once again you shine out of the crowd, and your shaddow too!!!

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

7 posted 2001-08-11 09:01 PM

wow this was awesome, i totally loved it. great job once again

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

8 posted 2001-08-11 10:41 PM

ALLAN, I LOVE IT!!! I'm not sure why, but it brought tears to my eyes

wonderful read

~Tamma

"A friend's shoulder makes a
nice pillow when you're crying" ~Me
"If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess love is too" ~Me

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

9 posted 2001-08-11 11:57 PM

hiya buddy

this is nice paradelle from you. i know that i cant write one properly even if i tried, but then again, that's just me. i couldnt peep in here without replying to this poem though

.
i'd love to say that i, like tamma, was moved by this piece, but in all honesty i felt that there was a certain sumthing lacking here. i'm sorry cuz i cant point out exactly what it is that makes me feel that way.
one thing that i did like very much was your use of italics-good job on the emphisis

i enjoyed the read very much mr. riverwood...its nice to see some of your works up again

period pain is HELL!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

10 posted 2001-08-12 12:10 PM

Hey hot stuff!

Awesome work. I think the words at the end of the second stanza could be mixed around a little more. But then again, who am I to critique? I applaud you at just writing a very good paradelle! VERY hard format. One I could never get the hand of. This one is very creative.. I think I liked this one the best out of the previous paradelles. The shadow idea really appealed to me.
So, nicely done, yet again, Master of Formats.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

11 posted 2001-08-12 07:25 PM

This is really good Allan *wishes she knew how to write paradelles* Until your next post...

~Steph

Life is an open book with many unwritten pages, write something that's meaningful to you there.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

12 posted 2001-08-12 08:00 PM

Hey Allan,
its been awhile.
I really did enjoy this. although im not quiet sure what a paradelle is.
well its nice to see you again.

Regina

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

13 posted 2001-09-03 02:44 AM

I liked this one Allan. Well done here. A paradelle to admire.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Mick Hawkes
Member

since 2000-10-26

Posts 90
Tees-side , England

14 posted 2001-09-03 12:41 PM

I enjoyed it a lot ..thanks

Never take life too seriously - None of us gets out alive!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

15 posted 2001-09-03 12:56 PM

Brian,

After attempting a paradelle myself, I know how difficult they are to achieve. You have written this rather well. Favourite lines would have to be,
"the shadow who cowers
the shadow who cowers
from the sun, right away
from the sun, right away
away from the sun cowers who?
the shadow, right?"
I'm not too sure why but they knocked me back a little.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

16 posted 2001-09-03 04:45 PM

hey allan i just wanted to say i love this and i know it must have been hard to do .. but i also wanted to say sorry i have been reading or responding to any peoms .. keep writing

!~Andrea~!
*You only live once, so live it to the
fullest*
*what is love?*

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

17 posted 2001-09-06 12:02 PM

excellent write...i enjoyed it greatly...awesome job esp on this format...buh bye

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry-

cpalmer
Senior Member

since 2001-06-26

Posts 977
Phoenix, Az

18 posted 2001-09-10 12:07 PM

This is really an awesome write! I have tried to do these and just can't seem to get a grip on them...maybe you could teach me how? What a talent!
Cindi

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

19 posted 2001-09-10 12:12 PM

Good work here. I don't think it's one of your better paradelles, however I did like the rather casual form it had. At any rate, it's a good work.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

20 posted 2001-09-11 05:53 PM

Wow...this is very good Allan. I'm adding this to my favs.

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

21 posted 2001-09-12 04:51 PM

What a cool poem

I loved the way it was written and the poem itself was great

Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

lil_pwheeler
Junior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 39
here

22 posted 2001-09-13 06:32 AM

I loved this so much
Its beyond descripition

lil_pwheeler
Junior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 39
here

23 posted 2001-09-13 06:32 AM

I loved this so much
Its beyond descripition

No one dies a virgin, life screws us all

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