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ryun
Junior Member

since 2000-01-25

Posts 33
elsinore, ca, usa

0 posted 2001-08-10 04:20 PM

escape the world ta
find my self
dwell..

hoping sadness, in my own hell..
find myself,
my concious-meets my soul
eveything unfolds
like this papers told
did i ever tell you
about the paper i hold
starting here
gone by fear
yet patiant
till everything is clear
surounded by peers
years gone by..
still my existance
is here..
sheding tears..
learning, loving, living, and yet
hapyness is sometimes
just over the line
condemed...
the boudries,
so thin...
my love..stuck within...

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-08-11 12:45 PM

"still my existance
is here..
sheding tears..
learning, loving, living, and yet
hapyness is sometimes
just over the line
condemed...
the boudries,
so thin...
my love..stuck within..."

*
this is very well done...I like this part very much!

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

2 posted 2001-08-11 01:35 AM

this is awesome. into libary it goes
I loved the last line.

katie

"by takeing no risks you are really risking everything"
Vic's RE book

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-08-11 03:04 AM

Nice, nice work, pal. Scattered rhyme and chaotic format are very appealing in this sort of poem.
You penned this quite well.

Yours,
~Allan

The children of the nobility are playing here. they look up at you with disgust as you come near.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-08-11 04:39 PM

Aargh.. SEA took my fave lines! Heh..
"hapyness is sometimes
just over the line
condemed...
the boudries,
so thin...
my love..stuck within..."
I really liked the language you used throughout the piece. It gave it a unique and interesting tone. I liked this one.. I haven't seen you around much, but I hope I see more posts and replies from you

Nicely done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

5 posted 2001-08-11 08:13 PM

"Everything unfolds
like this papers told"

This was an excellent post and I really enjoyed theread, this poem spoke wise words and you should be very pleased with yourself!

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

6 posted 2001-08-11 09:04 PM

wow, this was really good, i was gonna pick out a fav part but i couldn't decide so i am gonna say i like the whole thing! anyways great job here. keep it up

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-09-01 03:14 AM

I liked this one a lot! I think it had some sort of rap kind of feeling to it. Anyhow, it was just awesome.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

8 posted 2001-09-02 01:28 AM

Very interesting indeed, in choice of word and format areas. Loved it. Thanks for the read.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

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