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Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
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Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-08-09 11:14 PM


church
white clapboard
autumn leaves on the east coast
trees
naked of life
shivering
icicles perturbing the
smoothness of late autumn
black shudders
abandoned villa
faceless
in a black and white world
of cobblestone streets
and inviting houses
that no one resides in
color and beauty
muted to a saddened tone
music stripped to melodies
to staff lines
to single notes
and to nothing
as the glory is destroyed
the flag lowered to half mast
not because someone died,
but because the string holding it high
has rotted
like the spirit
it once represented.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
Spice
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since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
1 posted 2001-08-09 11:44 PM


Hi Marie.  
Yet another amazing piece from you. I absolutely love your writing. I get so wrapped up in them. This, of course, was no exception. I liked the imagery you potrayed here.Such wonderful description. Reading it made me feel cold and alone/abandoned. hehehe. I'm odd I guess. LOL. But ya, I really liked this so much.  

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-08-10 11:55 AM


Really nice, Marie.  This was unusual for you, here I see you focusing more on imagery and considerably less on metaphorical content.  You've still pulled it off incredibly well.  The imagery is very vivid in my mind.
As usual, a piece to be commended.  Very nice work.  
~Allan

Blood Moon
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Fading Away
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3 posted 2001-08-10 01:26 PM


Thanks Spice and Allan   I actually wrote this one a while ago, hence the late autumn/winter atmosphere.  It's one of my personal favorites because of the imagery, and I posted it as motivation to write more like this, heh.
Anyways, thanks for your replies!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

LoveBug
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4 posted 2001-08-10 04:35 PM


I'm really impressed with this piece. I love the imagery, but I still get a lot of symbolism out of it. Perhaps it just in my head, but it still amazing. Great work, my friend.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Linc
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The Backstreet Boy
5 posted 2001-08-10 04:42 PM


Juli!  

        --Tuli

       "Blood Moon"
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         Port:1313
"Control is a fantasy that only the weak minded belive they have."

Kicking Kim
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!
6 posted 2001-08-10 06:28 PM


"Has rotted
like the spirit
it ONCE presented"
Wow, Marie this was really great, the tone and structure are perfect and the poem itself...amazing!



^*~Kicking Kim~*^  

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2001-09-03 02:01 AM


Well done here Marie! I really enjoyed the poem! More I say!  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymous albert ?
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8 posted 2001-09-06 12:17 PM


wOW MArie...quite powerful last lines... withing the throughout use of wonderful imagery...enjoyed, as always...buh bye

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 09-06-2001).]

anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
9 posted 2001-09-07 03:21 AM


OOoo Marie I really like this one. You go down a different path with this. It seems quite sarcastic towards the end in a way. Maybe that's just me...nevermind.
Your imagery was rather good. Wooo, you're so good.  

Anyway, great job and I look forward to more.  

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

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