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Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2001-08-08 06:27 PM

Seconds into minutes   minutes turn to hours,
I feel you slip away     and it’s beyond my powers.
Holding tight in fear   afraid to let you go,
But you’ve been gone so long   I already know.
I don’t what or why   but I know it fell apart,
I do know why I cry      a suffocated heart.
I wish there were a way      to put it back together,
The failing love I thought   would last us both forever.
Now it’s fallen to pieces    no more links between,
Lately it’s your face    to me more often seen.
The break up hurt me bad    you say it hurt you too,
I keep on asking why    you say you wish you knew?
It’s tearing me apart     killing me inside,
It’s all so complicated   and I can’t seem to hide.
Maybe we’re meant to be    then we’ll be together,
But if not I still know    my love will be forever.
You gave me something special    a feeling I never had,
You helped me keep myself from always being sad.
You helped me to stay clean   made sure I was always straight,
Filled me up with love     erased each drop of hate.
I couldn’t wait to hold you   and feel you in my arms,
And know when I’m with you   that I can feel no harms.
But like all things in life   it came screeching to a halt,
And I can’t help but reminisce    and think it’s all my fault.
It was a saddened lonely day    when we came to an end,
Now I’m left bereft       for myself to fend.
Like a falling star  I came crashing from the sky,
As I smashed into the Earth    I began to cry.
Tears fell all the time   I never thought they’d stop,
Fallen from the ladder   never to reach the top.
Wallowing in pain       lost among my grief,
Has got me looking at my life   in total disbelief.
I never thought I’d stop, but someone came along,
And I feel in my heart    that she won’t do me wrong.
Slowly easing the pain      you had placed on me,
Blinded for a while     but now I start to see.
I feel I won’t recover   or ever again be whole,
Left me with an empty space    within my broken soul.
I dream of her    when I feel weak,
Some thoughts of you make it hard to speak.
So I close my eyes     and count to ten,
And push you       from my mind again…

   * this is one of my older pieces...i wrote it before i had gotten the hang of techniques that i use in my more recent work.  I revised it a bit and wanted to see what everyone thinks about it...

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-08-08 10:01 PM

I really liked the way you separated the lines. I thought that was pretty creative... nicely done, here. I enjoyed this one!

--Mare

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

2 posted 2001-08-08 10:15 PM

this is really creative.. i liked it a lot.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-08-09 01:05 AM

See, now...I don't agree with Marie. I, personally, didn't like the spaced out lines. I thought you should have made each line into 2 seperate lines. Just my opinion though. As for the poem, the message- I loved it. I'm sure tons can relate. I pretty much could. Even back in the day you were an excellent writer! haha

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-08-09 01:39 AM

I like the seperated lines, and my opinion reigns supreme....so yea! hehe.
Anyhow I liked the poem. Another job well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

5 posted 2001-08-09 01:50 AM

nice poem. i really liked it.
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

6 posted 2001-08-09 09:35 AM

"So I close my eyes     and count to ten,
And push you       from my mind again…"

ohhh how I know this....
wow...I love that line! really great job here....emotions felt

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