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I will be waiting...

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The Exile
Member
since 07-14-2001
Posts 53
Ontario, Canada


0 posted 08-04-2001 09:40 PM       View Profile for The Exile   Email The Exile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for The Exile

I am wandering,
I am venturing,
On this strange, undiscovered land.

I am waiting,
I am hoping,
For your vibrant eyes to light my dreams:

Will you be smiling?
Will you be caring?
Will you be thinking?
Will we be laughing together?
Or maybe even crying?

Cuz who knows tomorrow,
On this land of strangeness,
What’s going to be happening?

But O’ your love made life worth to live in.
Cuz of you,
My venture starts to have its meaning.

Is it just another dream,
Or is it really you,
In my sweet and vivid fantasy?
I will be waiting…

[This message has been edited by The Exile (edited 08-05-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Alex D. Ni - All Rights Reserved
Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


1 posted 08-05-2001 12:50 AM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Fading Away

I like this Alex... the format of the poem caught my eye.  I thought the meaning got kind of confusing somewhere around the end... but I really enjoyed the poem nonetheless.  Nicely done.  And I haven't seen you around here much, so I hope to see more posts and replies soon  

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

The Exile
Member
since 07-14-2001
Posts 53
Ontario, Canada


2 posted 08-05-2001 01:11 AM       View Profile for The Exile   Email The Exile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for The Exile

Hi Marie,

Thanks for responding to my poem so fast!   It's so cool you enjoyed reading it and liked the format, actually i didn't really pay too much attention to form and style at all while i was writing, i just kinda let it flow instead so as you can see, it's still got a somewhat confusing ending cuz of my lack of meditation. I was just thinking couldn't it be better if i had used "In this sweet and vivid fantasy?" instead of "In that sweet unreal fantasy?" Cuz after you pointed out i thought over it and i guess it does sound somewhat redundant in the way that "fantasy" and "dream" were made a bit too indistinguishable in the first case...  Anyhoo, thanks a lot for sharing the comments i really appreciated!  

- Alex

[This message has been edited by The Exile (edited 08-05-2001).]

Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


3 posted 08-07-2001 06:21 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

This was nice. I enjoyed the format and the topic of the poem. I thought you did just fine on this one.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

teenpoet
Member
since 10-17-2001
Posts 287
Michigan


4 posted 04-24-2003 11:07 AM       View Profile for teenpoet   Email teenpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for teenpoet

I liked it.  You did well on this one.  I look forward to more of your work.
~Keep dreaming~
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