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Teen Poetry #5
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I give it up
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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I give it up |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180
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The nigth is over me I can't sleep Don't dare Gotta keep awake Or dreams will drown me Take me away All the things I refuse to think of They'll haunt me down Once again I shiver Want to scream I'm afraid This darkness Fear makes me Breathless Wish I could run away Wish I could hide Wish someone was here To take my hand Need him now Can't tell him Can't have him Oh, He's far away Never belonged to me Never will. These walls are cold My body, it's ice The room is quiet Wonder If I try will I get out? Creeping on the floor Looking for a door No exit No way to escape Haunted I'm being chased I'm stuck Give it up Some things lasts Close my eyes As the black surrounds me ----- well. what shall I say about this? I haven't made changes on it at all. it's the way it's written. I wanna keep it like that..cause it means something to me, somehow.. Usually I work with my poem. but not this one. ----------- I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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| © Copyright 2001 zarina - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Damn Zarina... You made a wise decission by not messing with this one. It's amazing. The feeling/emotion in it is almost overwhelming. A VERY good piece, indeed. I love it! |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
You have a nice dark tone here, almost haunting and ghostly. Fear makes me Breathless I like your use of fear here. Quite different, yet in some ways, fear really does make us breathless. (boogieman...) These walls are cold My body, it's ice A good way to portray the body. It gave a nice chill to the poem.  Overall, nicely done! I look forward to reading more of your works. -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
Thanks alot! Glad you liked it.. Actually, I do too.. pretty weird. usually I have no high tougths about my poems..I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this.....it was kind of dark. But yea, well done here again. I enjoyed it.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
intense expression...dark and... "Close my eyes As the black surrounds me" i loved the ending...great job overall..enjoyed it a lot, Carina. "if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry- |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow. Chilling. I liked this. Jenn "Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very dark, Carina... wow, this was awesome. This is definitely one of the best I've read from you. "The nigth is over me I can't sleep Don't dare Gotta keep awake Or dreams will drown me Take me away All the things I refuse to think of They'll haunt me down Once again" Don't change a thing about this poem. The structure and form is one of my favorite things about it. The way you portrayed the darkness was excellent... and I could almost taste the fear you're feeling. This was awesome! Wonderful work. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
MMMMMMMMMM VERY VERY VERY GOOD! BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OF SOME THINGS. ROBIN i don't give up without a fight so boys beware! |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
thank you! I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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