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Teen Poetry #5
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keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

0 posted 2001-08-02 02:07 PM



There’s not too much romantic, about that night a few months back
I met you at a party, and they caught us in the sack
Things just clicked for us, on that intoxicated night
The things we did were backed by feelings, and not just out of spite
In the morning I gave you my number, and couldn’t wait for you to call
I was looking for no one, but I began to fall
That first night at the movies, it began to start
While your friend was stealing your car, you were stealing my heart
Came over more and all I did was party
I was thinking you were gone, but I guess your love is hearty
Cause not many people can put up with me just like you
You look at me like I do no wrong no matter what I do
Our camping trip, that barbed wire fence, and me acting crazy
Drinking and talking by the fire, while you were acting lazy
I got with you that week, on June 28
You became my girlfriend, and more than just a date
Time has past, it’s been a blast, I’m so glad I’m with you
Now that you are here with me I have something to look forward to
It’s by luck that we met
Went and placed my bet
Took a chance and now romance
And now I feel I’m set
It’s crazy to think it’s been a month already
But everything is going great, our relationship is steady
I can see this lasting, for some time, keeping you as mine
You’re the only one that’s in my heart, the rest can stand in line
I didn’t expect any of this, and now I can’t believe it’s true
I’ve only been here for a month and I’m falling in love with you

To Melissa

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

© Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved
mistic
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
1 posted 2001-08-02 02:25 PM


i really liked the flow of this. great job   thanks for sharing
Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
2 posted 2001-08-02 02:27 PM


HeHe- The tile really caught my eye. ( Though I would have read it anyway...LOL)
But anyway- I thought this was charming. The rhme scheme you had here was great. I liked the way you chose to write it. Without this Shakespearean tone, Without tons of symbolism, lacking huge vocabulary, without tons of indepth description...It was just done in an everyday tone.( Ya know?) And it worked wonderfully! Hope to see another soon. I'm happy for you and Melissa. Best of luck to you 2 in the future.

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
3 posted 2001-08-02 02:36 PM


Thanks for the replies. And Spice - "Without this Shakespearean tone, Without tons of symbolism, lacking huge vocabulary, without tons of indepth description..."
That's the way I chose to write it. I'm an idiot, that's how I always write. Just kidding. I just thought that comment was funny. Thanx again
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
4 posted 2001-08-02 07:02 PM


I liked this one alot Jon. IT was good stuff. Hope you have happiness and fun.

Regina

Shygirl82
Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
5 posted 2001-08-02 07:19 PM


Very sweet here...I wish you guys nothing but the best of luck!
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-08-03 06:17 PM


Spice callin keoni stupid? Somebody's gotta teach her a lesson  
Anyhow, I did like this one keoni....especially the "lack of voc" hehe.
Very well written.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-08-04 07:03 PM


Spice didn't call Keoni stupid!  You're not stupid, Keoni.  I enjoyed this a whole lot.  Nicely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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