love that hurts - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-08-01 01:53 AM

hey hey...no idea where this came from. i was being all depressed with my head in my hands and this came to me. i dunno if i lyk it (rarely do i ever like any of my own poems) so be honest, if you see something that needs fixing do tell. thanks. -fear-

i don't know how much
more of this i can take
i'm driving thru life on an empty tank
this love of ours hurts
it's painful as hell
almost like being sliced
with a knife
i know that this isn't just me
you have to feel it too
so why are you so insistent
on us staying together?
i'll admit
i don't know much about life
but i do know one thing
how love isn't supposed to make you cry
deep into your pillow at night
it's supposed to make you laugh
and smile in your dreams
so our love is obviously
not meant to be
-fear-

i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (edited 08-01-2001).]

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

1 posted 2001-08-01 02:48 AM

Wow...this is some tough stuff.
"i don't know much about life
but i do know one thing
how love isn't supposed to make you cry
deep into your pillow at night
it's supposed to make you laugh
and smile in your dreams
so our love is obviously
not meant to be"

I am really feeling ya on this part...I hope the situation improves. Excellent write!
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

2 posted 2001-08-01 07:55 AM

but i do know one thing
how love isn't supposed to make you cry
deep into your pillow at night

WOW... this is a bad bad place to be.. and i think we've all been there.. you made it a wonderful post however!

ALLIE

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-08-01 08:36 AM

I liked the line about going through life on an empty tank. I've felt that way many times.
And I know what you mean- how love isn't supposed to be so painful etc. I thought you did a great job on expressing yourself. Sorry you're so depressed though. But it made for a wonderful free-verse.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

4 posted 2001-08-02 05:55 PM

thanks!!! :-)
-fear-

i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-08-03 06:15 PM

Awesome job here. I really liked this one. very well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-08-04 07:00 PM

I liked this... but I think you should go back and take out the shorthand you have in there. I think you should maybe add punctuation as well. I liked the content, the poem is well written. I think those suggestions will contribute to more power within the poem. Nicely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

7 posted 2001-08-05 05:53 AM

once again, a great poem

I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you?

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

8 posted 2001-08-05 06:02 AM

this is an awesome poem.
You express yourself really well.
It's a bad place to be but things do get better, or so I'm told.
well done on this one.

katie

"by takeing no risks you are really risking everything"
Vic's RE book

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

9 posted 2001-08-05 11:07 PM

expression of yourself...was awesome...i REALLY liked this piece...quite powerful!...hope things get better for you, Fear.

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry-

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.