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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-07-29 10:13 PM

To Cry

When heart's shell cracked
At one time (this only time)
She bites
   a predestined apple
   To suckle my sin
As  my message teeters
A heart's shell has she the time
(this only time)
  When Paris fades
  Into glittering shades
     Create this only time
Silken black              (knit my cozie)
              send me off
   a predestined apple
   of my original sin
                   Twisting form
                   with no center    am i
i only one time
   (this only time)
     Never about you
     Never about you
     Never about you
     But only,
                        for you.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-30 12:43 PM

Sean, I love your writing.
The format here is terrific.
I have yet to fully grasp this one- but what I have gotton so far I'm loving.The ending is my fav.
More I say!!!

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

2 posted 2001-07-30 12:46 PM

Agreeing with Jesa (once again) I haven't fully understood it all yet but I am sure once I do I will love it..

I loved the format too - very creatie to write like that!!

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

Love you, Adam!! :)

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-07-30 01:13 AM

I thought this was simply awesome. I think i saw a bit of parts from the bible when you bring in the apple/original sin issue.
Anyhow, I really really enjoyed this poem. I loved it. Very well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-08-04 02:04 AM

Very original structure! I really liked this... Nicely done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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