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Teen Poetry #5
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Your Eyes Tell Me More Than Words Will Ever Say
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Your Eyes Tell Me More Than Words Will Ever Say |
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levon6618 Junior Member
since 2001-07-29
Posts 10 |
Emotions, that had been hidden away By the pain experienced in past relationships, Had been once again brought to the surface To give the indispensable love another try. It seemed as though this time Love would let me take part in its beauty. Your eyes tell me more than words will ever say. From the first day I looked into your beautiful blue eyes, I knew you could truly offer me What so many had offered me before. A love that would last an eternity. One that was unchanging in the face of adversity. A relationship that could withstand the tests of time and temptation. Your eyes tell me more than words will ever say. The fear of rejection froze me and caused me To let you see only camouflaged emotions, Ones that hid the true feelings that I held deep inside for you. Your eyes were windows into your soul, That let me see that you had the same feelings for me. Your heart offered me love’s warmth. Your eyes tell me more than words will ever say. As time marches down its unwavering road, I stand still, frozen; too blind to see my happiness leaving me. My place in your heart now belongs to another. My chance for true love has come and gone. Once again I stand out in the cold. Your heart now offering love’s warmth to another. Your eyes tell me more than words will ever say. [This message has been edited by levon6618 (edited 07-29-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 LeVon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow, talk about a huge twist in the end. I really think you should add some punctuation to this. The lack of that forced me to search where a sentence begins and ends and kind of disrupts flow. Other than that this poem was superb. The meaning of "Your eyes tell me more than words will ever say" really changes once you read the last stanza, and I think it was brilliant repetition. It really gives off a wonderful end effect. Awesome first post and I hope to see you post in the future. Welcome to Passions! Check your e-mail for a special message! Dopey_Dope/Moderator  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
First off-  WELCOME TO PIP! I agree with Javier. The ending was a complete suprise. I didn't see it coming. I liked that. The punctuation thing would help here. (Yes Moe- I made a critique. Sue me.) But the poem- wow. It was incredible. I loved it. I ecspecially liked the line about the camouflaged emotions. Anyway, again- Awesome write. I hope to see tons more replies and posts from you in the future. |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
I liked this, though the turnaround at the end was a big surprise. Like I told Jess, it started as a good love poem, then snapped around into a "lost love" poem. The fear of rejection hits everyone...you just gotta push that fear back, and go for it. -Kosetsu Of all the things that I confess, |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is an awesome poem... Very impressive first post. I really LOVED the ending. The way it started as a love poem, I would have never suspected the ending to be as it was. Ditto to Adam. Go for it! The fear of rejection is much stronger if you dwell on it  Awesome first post, and welcome to Passions! I look forward greatly to reading more posts and replies from you.--Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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