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Teen Poetry #5
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Ceinwyn
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since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2002-04-03 04:09 PM



Pentrate my restless soul
Let my blood trickle
Down between the void
Of waking dreams
And aching fantasies
Command my heart
I long to be
Your marrionette
My lips burn with fever
To be wrapped deep within
Immortal nights
And endless plights
Of Insatiable fires
Forever be my Dark Knight
And I promise
Upon this bed of crushed roses
To forever be
Your Nocturnal Angel...


© Copyright 2002 Kristen Brandon - All Rights Reserved
PoetryIsLife
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since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
1 posted 2002-04-04 04:29 PM




Kristen, I love it.

Very.... pleading and desperate. Much emotion and yearning in it.

Yet, a bit of a sadness.

"Pentrate my restless soul
Let my blood trickle
Down between the void
Of waking dreams
And aching fantasies"

These lines flow quite lovelylike.

Much enjoyed.

~ Titus

"Tesous Christos, Theou Uios, Soter"

Kielo
Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109

2 posted 2002-04-04 05:48 PM




Geez... This was simply amazing... You write beautifully, and the emotion was well-expressed, and very clear. *sits stunned for a little while, then decides its time to close her hanging jaw*

Wow...

Kielo

I LOVE YOU! *kisses you* hehehe...

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
3 posted 2002-04-04 06:27 PM


I really enjoyed this somewhat short piece of yours! Some beautifully worded phrases as well! The harsh sounds of "t"s, "p"s and "d"s gave the poem a little oomph and strength. Nicely done!


   Thanks for sharing!
   leah

"...and sometimes when the music whispers softly in your ears,
take some time to dream a dream and put aside your fears..."

~r.h.a.p.s.o.d.y.

[This message has been edited by chasing rain (04-04-2002 06:28 PM).]

Child of the Stars
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since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
4 posted 2002-04-10 10:26 AM


Ooh...Very dark (duh, Carly. Nocturnal Angel). I love this side of passion...not the lovey-dovey-let's-go-pick-flowers-together-and-have-a-picnic type of deal. I like this lots. Thanks for the change of scenery.

  ~Carly

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
  ~David Borenstein

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
5 posted 2002-04-10 11:38 AM


There definately was a strong sense of yearning in this which was amazingly expressed through your words. I enjoyed this so much, the words you wrote were srong and powerful. Well done kristin

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

quietlydying
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the wonderful land of oz
6 posted 2002-04-10 03:01 PM


'Down between the void
Of waking dreams
And aching fantasies'

wow.

there is some serious talent here.

don't stop writing.

/gwen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

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