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Separation (revised)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Separation (revised) |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Look at the sunrays, people! Those are her fingers, veering. I am almost ready to leap now toward her from the roof of my building. Look how the sun is crashing on the blade of the glowing horizon! People, I am stoned by this passion, I am lost in light of her eyes now! On the fork of a thousand roads, drunk with the smell of the pines, I wander and hang my sorrowful notes on the nerves of the telephone lines. Hello? Answer me! Anybody? What can extinguish my love’s scorching flame? Every night, waiting for her, I cram my body into the window frame. You, who’ve had a lot to cope with, whose lives have long turned sour and dire, know that the doors of my ribcage are always open, come and sit by the fire! Do you hear the thunder of my whisper? That is my soul on the stage of my tongue. People, I need her, I miss her! In her absence, my body is wrung... I crawl up the stairs, demented, and beheaded, I fall on the bed... Tell me why? I don’t understand it! Why was my heart cast of lead? These walls box me in. Feeling lonely, like a snake, on the mattress, I coil and depression collapses upon me like six feet of the graveyard soil. Burdened by the weight of the silence, I recall from the past, gasping, and abruptly, two overcast eyelids shut at once with a bang of a casket. But even in dreams, her vision, appears in the night and remains... and gently, her brief apparition, I catch with the net of my veins. And this bliss seems to be unending, but the night and the dream must cease. She is grinning at me, enchanting, as she vanishes into the mist... The gray beard of the mist fills the alley, raindrops drum on the bong of my window. Autumn mimics my sweet melancholy and transforms itself into winter. Homeless winds sing from under the bridges, as the morning embraces the land. There, I ramble, feeding the pigeons out of the palm of my hand... Once more, I am one with the landscape. Like the valley, I’m covered with frost. Like the shivering branches, my hands shake Like the trees, I am standing exposed. Have you noticed your son, Mother Nature? In you sight, I still wander perplexed. Separated from love, I am raging, Is it true that the spring will come next? Dejected, I’ve looked high and low, tread the Milky Way, searching for answers, lost my way in the whirlpools of snow, now, I stray here, homeless and senseless. Here, I drift with the winds as I cast my eyes to the skies, starless and bottomless, I can change! Let me sweep the debris of the past under the carpets of puddles. Hey, up there! Do you hear me?! You, angels, hovering up above me, do not lie to me, tell me sincerely, could she possibly learn to love me? [This message has been edited by Master (edited 07-29-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
 WHOA...you use such beautiful personifications here, and your imagery is wonderful. I like the part about the tongue being a stage, or something like that. THAT was original. Thank you for a wonderful read!  -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
This was so cool, keep it up Master. I liked this one a lot! ~Jeff~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was amazing work. I loved it. full of imagery that was very poignant. REgina |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I love how this ends bro... snaps you out of the trance it puts you in awesome work here good to see your style agian |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
 The Master is back! I LOVE your writing. I've missed seeing it so much. Finally! Another post! HeHe Wow to this one! Yet another masterful write. I know exactly how you feel. The description was wonderful, the imagery. Just absolutely superb work here. MORE I say! More![This message has been edited by Spice (edited 07-27-2001).] |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you all! Glad you liked it! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I REALLY REALLY enjoyed this! Awesome job! This was just a piece of superbness! I really loved it!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I really like this, Master... such BEAUTIFUL examples here of personification. Quite long, but well worth the read. I LOVED the second stanza.. Very nicely done.. I enjoyed this very mcuh. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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bOoGaSuGa Member
since 2001-08-03
Posts 54 |
that was a good poem |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This poem was so full of energy, for such a topic. How unusual. And how delightfully surprising to read. You did a wonderful job of line breaking in this piece, deciding where a line should begin and end. It flowed marvelously and I still picked it all up. I like the imagery you used here, it was very vast. I had a strange image in my mind of you standing atop something and screaming the poem out. Wonderfully profound writing here. I'm sure this also had something to do with the punctuation you used.  Nice to be reading yours again, Master. Perhaps I'll post one of my latest someday soon, as well. Until next, ~Allan Blood Moon |
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