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Teen Poetry #5
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You for Me
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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You for Me |
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
I meant to fight to the finish but you made me forget All though it's possible I'm dreaming don't wake me yet You know I love you I can't see the day for night You know how I twist around and turn around but I always give in I might like what you do to me I really don't think it's a sin You put laughter where there is pain You are too beautiful to me I hide my tears inside the rain But I don't think you see Let this be my prayer to keep you safe when I'm not there I have faith in you, away from you Like a lonely child, I hang on to everyword Just to hear your voice, I know it sounds absurd They say I'm dreaming, but I don't care I love the craziness and fun times we share It's funny how you're personality also gives mine that extra flare! Like an everblooming rose, my love for you grows Some people say Daydreaming's for all the Lazy minded fools With nothing else to do So let them laugh, laugh at me So just as long as I have you To see me through As long as I have you! If there's a such thing as a Genius, then I'm one. If there's no such thing then I don't care... ~John Lennon |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Moe.... wow. I absolutely loved this. An awesome write. It was so sweet. Filled with love and admiration. Thanks for the read- I REALLY enjoyed it bunches upon bunches. |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
I was talking with Adam about this one and he brought up a good point - is it about a love you still have and want or a lost llove that you wish you still had? Hmmm  I dunno... I enjoyed it very much; it just confused me a little.  **psss, btw - that isn't hard to do. Don't tel anybody though!!** HeHe Great write!!!  What don't kill you can only make you stronger... |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
As long as I have you! this is wonderful...hehe..i liked this one a lot...thanks for the read moe!!!!  "I hope my mum and I hope my dad |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
"I meant to fight to the finish but you made me forget All though it's possible I'm dreaming don't wake me yet" That had me captivated from the word go. One thing I didn't like at the end was the exclamation mark. When you read it, the exclamation mark gives it too much power at the end. The way the last part goes reads softly but the end appears harsh. Maybe that's just me but if you remove the EM, it might read a little differently. Either that or I'm being picky..hehe.  Thanks for sharing this. ~AF~ "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done here Moe. I really enjoyed this one! Such a great poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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levon6618 Junior Member
since 2001-07-29
Posts 10 |
That was a good read. Not trying to be picky, but I also think that you should lose the exclamation point at the end. Everything else about the poem was superb. Keep up the good work. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Nicely done moe...I loved the part about hiding your tears in the rain. Very original thought there. Great job! -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nicely done. I really enjoyed this.. look forward to seeing more --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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