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Teen Poetry #5
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chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-07-25 07:14 PM


Man, i'm into things being unfinished, eh? I may change the title, so...yeah.
This is only PART of what i already have...because i'm still trying the ending. so i'll give you half, and then the rest will come.

=====


As feathered thoughts brushed by my ear.
The magic gently touched my mind
And all who slept were calm of fear
As I walked on silently.
I left this dream world far behind
As wind sang softly in my ear
Like evening larks and ghosts combined
It tugged my shirt quite violently.

Down the road, I seemed to walk
Along the crystal river's bend
A secret soon to be unlocked
A secret found unwillingly.
The clouds and sky began to blend
As rain fell down like dust of chalk
A stranger I was to pretend
A friend was I, but secretly.


=====
More later...wait, i already said something like that...*sigh* Leah need break.  


-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

© Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved
pure_innocence
Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 80
Colorado, US
1 posted 2001-07-25 07:26 PM


Exceptionally good start, I can't wait to see the finished product!!! I like the mental images and the message.  Beautiful write, thanks for sharing!
DarkenedShadow
Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114
Kansas
2 posted 2001-07-25 08:44 PM


The start has potential and it will as I know will end up as one of those beautiful works of art. Can't wait for the other side of this write oh and yea I think we all need a break about now. /Nick/
JBaker515
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Member
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458
Dartmouth College
3 posted 2001-07-25 11:53 PM


This was a great start, but i need to see the finish before i can go in depth...so far so good Leah.

SHow us the ending when u get done with it..ok??

~Jeff~

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."



Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-07-26 03:05 AM


I enjoyed this.....so far it's a good start. Hope to see an end soon!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Punk Angel
Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 66
Pennsylvania, US
5 posted 2001-07-26 12:34 PM


great start, cant wait to c the end!!
Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
6 posted 2001-07-30 11:46 PM


Hey Leah!  Sorry I'm late on this one  

This is an awesome start.. I especially liked the second stanza.  The flow and rhyme scheme are very well done thus far.. and I'm REALLY looking forward to the finished product.   Awesome job so far!!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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