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jaded
Junior Member

since 2001-07-24

Posts 20

0 posted 2001-07-24 06:38 AM

NUMB (time to quit)
======================================

i've heard this song a million times,
yet cant recall a single word,
in a crowded room with a microphone,
yet nothing can be heard.

sinking deeper, heavy chains,
skys wont seem so blue again,
no rope or branch of hope to grasp,
this breath might just become my last.

admit defeat, just give it up,
the light has gone, the door slammed shut,
a valley which once seemed so green,
was nothing more than just a dream.

give half a chance that i could fly,
a spark would come back in my eye,
until that life i wait and pray,
my body's dead, and life is gone.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-07-24 08:46 AM

Welcome to the Teen Forum!

Glad to have you with us

~SEA

Raven Skye
Member

since 2001-03-03

Posts 112
.In a House.

2 posted 2001-07-24 09:20 AM

Welcome Welcome, I'm Raven. Stick around for a while. This poem is great. I'm looking forward to seeing more

*×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×*
Don't just trust yourself,
learn what parts of yourself to trust.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-24 11:11 AM

I agree- The poem was absolutely awesome.
The 3rd stanza was my fav.
Hop to see more soon.

jaded
Junior Member

since 2001-07-24

Posts 20

4 posted 2001-07-24 11:57 AM

heya, i like this place

i'm definitely sticking around, thanks very much for your kind words, you've inspired me to try write some more poems in the coming days.

thanks very much,
simon

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

5 posted 2001-07-24 01:08 PM

I liked this one... it flowed really nicely. I also really liked how in the first stanza you made the first and second lines contrast each other, and same with the third and fourth. However this one was my favorite stanz: sinking deeper, heavy chains,
skys wont seem so blue again,
no rope or branch of hope to grasp,
this breath might just become my last.
well done on this piece. Keep writing.

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

6 posted 2001-07-24 01:38 PM

Now this is how I like to see the feelings fow from a persons mind to the pencil, amazing... good job and hello to you. /Nick/

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-07-24 08:24 PM

I really liked this one. Welcome to the teen forum jaded. Hope to see more of your work.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-07-29 02:23 AM

Nicely done, Jaded! I enjoyed this. Welcome to Teen. I hope to see more posts and replies from you soon

Nice work here.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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