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Stone of Magic
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Stone of Magic |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
You know, I get this impression that it's been a long time since my last poem... maybe because it has been? ^^; Methinks I have a *long* way to not being a junior member... *mutter mutter* Ah well... I'll get there some day. This poem is not quite a masterpiece, given that the emotions are somewhat difficult to trace... actually, there's a slight distance to the feeling of it, which I think is the only charming part about this poem. Other than that, I don't know what to say about it. ^_^; Of course, maybe one or two of you out there might enjoy it, yes-no? ^_^ And that would be reason enough to post it. And 'sides... I think I need to post more stuff without other people convincing me that it needs to be posted... *smiles at person(s) who has/have done that* Critiques are most appreciated, as they'll help me get over the currently inhibiting writer's block... don't be afraid to say something negative about the poem. ^_^ I don't bite... but, be specific, if possible, since a generic "Your poem sucked" isn't all that helpful. Thank you all a lot ahead of time for reading this poem, as it is quite long... well, everything that I write is insanely long, but you probably all knew that. ^_^; Once again, all comments are appreciated, and I hope you enjoy the poem. - holatuwol *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=* Stone of Magic July 22, 2001 Sealed deep underneath the tallest, sturdiest of mountains, And hidden far behind a curtain of kaleidescopic light Is a softly, gently shimmering stone of magic Which long ago, perhaps... maybe... used to go glow truly bright. It's light now simply quietly pulsates in the darkness, From its eternal confinement, it has come to know pain. But with pain known, it still knows not the joyous warmth of sunlight, Nor the calming gentle melodies of softly falling April rain. But it does know the gentle comforting light Of something that glows from deep within, And it knows the feeling of gentle teardrops That people shed as people to hold it... the drops fall again, and again. This rock... is a piece of perfection our world never had, Yet longs to own, to possess, and to make brilliantly glow. But sealed so far out of reach of its inhabitants, The world never had the ability to the virtue of this stone ever know. But musicians and lyricists, bards and poets alike Have tried to sing of all of its potential, sealed in the distance, so far away. And story writers and novelists from all corners of the world Join with philosophers to weave tales about it, from night until day. This little rock was once said to have the power To part oceans, to move mountains, to darkness dispel, Some even said it had the power to heal and purify, To restore this world to Eden... as it was, before it fell. Tears shed silently as people long for its power, Long for release from all the pains that they have endured, A stone with empathetic powers, people often said, Perhaps that is one of the reasons it has so many people allured. The stories and the poems did not altogether stop there, For most certainly existed other things dearer to people's hearts. Penetrate to the core of their entities, reach forward to their souls, Speak of love, speak of religion... and that's where their story truly starts. Stronger than the magic of Cupid's arrows, It could make two enemies become lovers overnight... Free all those in oppression from the whips of their rulers, And bring liberation to those in Hell from its beautifully glowing light. Perhaps, they likened it to a communion with the Lord, Or the relief that is found in shedding that first lover's tear. They said pure ecstacy could be found just by basking in its rays, And find pleasure beyond imagination, a feeling without peer... But people began to believe in the miracle stories, And searched for this stone, but to no avail... Countless lives were lost in the quest for the magic, And no victories reported... everyone who tried doomed to fail. So many tears have been shed in its name, So many lives lost in an endless search for its light... People worried that everyone would die in the end... it had to stop! How? What if people believed that this stone no longer glowed bright...? The story had to be somehow believable, though... And people believe tragedy so easily... to create the story would not be hard. So they wove a simple story of how the stone lost its magic... And told the story through music, through the voice and the harp of a bard. There was a young girl about ten years old or so, A girl who sought out the stone's power... to revive her deceased dad. After all, such a miracle had to be possible with the powers of the stone... It was something that was righteous... something pure and innocent... good, not bad. And after a journey, a very long journey, which lasted 12 years... perhaps more, She managed to find the shining stone, beneath mountains, beyond streams... And once found, she asked it to grant her that single little power To turn to reality, turn to living, all of her most wonderful dreams. So, her father was brought back into the world of the living, And as many girls wished, the middle-aged girl found herself a guy... The prince of her dreams, fitting the description in every way, But here the perfection changes... for in every truth, there rests a lie. For, after all, there had to have been a reason behind all this, Why the prince, as of yet unmarried, and the father previously unalive... And the reasons began to come to light and, like the stone, come to surface, And of this truth, the listeners to the story need not be deprived. For there was a princess of a nearby nation, it is said, That wished to marry that prince... so that peace would reign over her realm. There were those who wished to kill that young lady's father, For debts that he had not yet paid... in such large numbers it would anyone overwhelm. And these reasons erupted soon, in a karmic flow of chaos, In the form of war, in attempted murder... and the dreams began to disappear, And as the young girl's mirages one by one shattered into oblivion at the turn of events, People said, so did the end of the stone's magic grow oh so near. For they say that stone of magic had feelings, And understood that which was unfolding all around... how it happened... wherefore. As the stone began to feel more and more responsible for this turn of events, They say its glow started to grow dimmer... until its brilliance was no more. And as the kingdom of the girl and her prince was cast into ruin As the murder, the treachery, and the wars fell into place... So entrenched even further, sealed even deeper under mountains, The stone buried with it the dreams of perfection of the war-struck human race. And so to stop the tide of deaths, and searches which ended in vain, "Its brilliance thus has faded," storytellers said, "and its powers perhaps gone... There's really no reason for someone to search after it... Strive for it no longer, just... remember it existed, and live on." "There are is no reason to look for it now," others chimed in, "With its light faded... no power within it could possibly remain. Why give your light for a powerless, softly shimmering stone A stone of magic, without magic... possessing that... what value does it contain?" After hearing this, many people began to abandon the endless searching, Many adventurers began to diminish in value that which they could not find, Telling their children that the stone was not all people said it was, And the stories the stone once created must now be left behind. But there are still a few people who seek out its magic, This magic which can do so much for the person who finds the stone. Basking in its beautiful, ever-so luminescent light, The Seekers believe that once they find it, they'll never again feel alone. For even if it has lost all of its brilliance, The Believers seek it out... with a floating hope in the air That perhaps it still possesses some tiny fraction of its powers, Just that much would be enough for them... for no more would they care. Its name still is written deep in people's hearts, though the search has ended, A name which defines it, and subtly tells the story of why so many people tried... Did you know they called this simple glowing magic rock "True Love"? A stone, and a feeling, for which many a brave adventurer has failed to find... and died. |
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| © Copyright 2001 MinhChau Dang - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Holatuwal.... I'm utterly amazed and totally impressed. I was completely wrapped up in this. The rhyme scheme was great- it flowed wonderfully. I thought the whole time that the "rock" was love. I was so close to the screen reading it and re-reading it...I looked like a lil kid completely wrapped up in a story about pooh bear. HaHa. The whole story like way of the poem was wonderful. This is most definetly a library piece. I'm so glad the length didn't scare me off. HaHaHa. This is a write to be VERY proud of. [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 07-24-2001).] |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
alright Mc, for the fact u didnt tell me u posted this.....tsk tsk@u :p but newayz on to the poem! when i first started reading it, i thought of BM of course. maybe cuz im so obsessed with it eh? *cough* newayz then u started talking about the stone, and that made me think of avalon and druids and the holy Tor. the image of the tor stuck in my mind pretty much through the whole thing. needless to say i didnt think of love. which i dont know if u wanted the reader to think of it or not. but im actually glad i didnt. cuz the end of it tottally impressed me, as all of ur work does. (hopes everybody digs ur pieces up and reads them cuz ur great) *INNO* newayz..the length of ur poems i now expect and appreciate. the fact that u can tell such a wonderful story of such lenght and have the COMPLETE piece be just fantastic in my opinion is amazing. i wish i had that talent. the story u told here is very touching and heartbreaking all rolled up together. i purposefully turned 'Von' by sugar ros on after reading the first stanza. its a great song hint hint. but the music and the poem just flowed so well together. made the experience all the better. i know u think ur recent work isnt as well done as ur later pieces, but to me this stands up too them very well. its not my favourite but i dont think ne poem at all will ever replace my favourite poem of all time which happens to be one of urs (hint hint ppl read his other poems) bah ive turned into u Mc with long replies to u. this is the longest yet i think. *nods* well i loved the poem and im very glad that u posted with out ne encouragement this time. i hope u do again soon. and if not ill bug u till u let me read more of ur work :P great job Mc its in my library. *hugs* love ya oh yea! CONGRATS ON MAKING JR MEMBER MC!! tiff  I am Gaudior the shadow cast of valour to cloak our vision the remants of days long past lay waking in the twilight [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 07-24-2001).] |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
wow.. When i first was reading it i was reminded of a story my boyfriend is writing and a book i'm reading... a serach for a stone that could make all your dreams come true. I really liked how you made that stone out to be love, awesome job with that. it was long, but i see know that the length was needed to tell the story. i also really liked how you made it seem like prose put into poetic form.. i don't know if you meant to do that or not. anyway awesome awesome job. I hope you to see more from you. |
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DarkenedShadow Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114Kansas |
Hey now this an excellent piece and it does realy well to keep my attention. Most people I know have troubles trying to keep something that long going for a mass amount of space (myself included) so I applaud you for your brillaint peice. Not to sound picky or anything, but you did catch me off guard when it split into a story in a way, I may of taken the first few stanzas a little wrong, but hey thats may be just me. /Nick/ |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Heh, yeah, maybe you're just a junior member, but all the poems you have posted so far are...wonderful. Amazing. Masterpieces...there's nothing wrong with being a junior member if you're going to keep writing like that, hehe. Anywho... GAH!!! This flowed amazingly well. Where do you get your ideas anyway? You have a great sense of imagery and it's packed into your poem so well...i have every good reason to be jealous of you, yet there's no point in being jealous...all i can do is admire you and your talent. I look forward to reading more of your works.  -Leah [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 07-24-2001).] |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Oops...  There it is... |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ok to begin with in your first stanza you say there is a Shimmering stone of magic which long ago might have glown brightly. Then in the second stanza you say that due to the long time in darkness it knows not of sunlight or the melodies of rain. You say that at some point it might have glown, but then say it was in enternal darkness which makes no sense. So that contradiction confused me a bit. The third stanza says people have held it? So it knows that feeling. I'm assuming they held it while in the dark place then. Ok so now in the 4th you go on to say it's basically an ideal of perfection that this world had but lost. Which does make sense. You go on to say how it has a form of Godliness. Makes everything bad good and everything good even better. I like that. Now there seems to be a quest, much like the holy grail. All for good, but death brought out because of it. You say that "they" needed to stop all the death and worry so "they" started to spread the false rumor of the stone not glowing. Well I think you should say who they were, get a little bit more in depth on that. From what I understand it's just common folk trying to convince other common folk. "for in every truth, there rests a lie."- very nice You say in the story that the girl asked for all her dreams to come true which was her father reviving and the perfect man. Well I would assume that the perfect man would be a man that would have ended up loving her reciprocally, not some hot stud. Due to the STONE OF GOOD bringing her that man war broke out. So in a sense this stone is good, but can cause bad. Well not really, let's put it like this "what is good for one person might be bad for another", and this is what caused the hell breaking loose. OH wow, the ending was amazing. An ideal indeed! True love? Wonderful way to end it all. Very true. The whole last stanza was a wonderful way to end it. Ok so to wrap all this up, the poem was great. A wonderful tale! I think that some parts need a bit work due to them not being clear and some contradicting. I think you might wanna get in depth in that specific part I told you about. Other than that, this was just a really great piece. Full of power and meaning. Deep and profounding. Wonderful job here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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