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Teen Poetry #5

Sand Pieces

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

0 posted 2001-07-23 03:51 PM

How long can a person hold on to a flash of light?
Not very long I would suspect.
Now how long can you hold a handful of sand?
Forever,if you hold it tightly.

I am like the sand...to you and only you.
Hold me right and I'll be there forever.
Shake a little and I'm through your fingers.
Would this really devestate you at all?

Would you notice me dangling from your grasp?
Maybe the faint trickling of sand bothers you not.
I warn you though,keep hold of me as long as you can
Once I trickle to the floor...I will blow away forever...like the light.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-07-23 06:23 PM

This was a cool poem. I liked the metaphors you used in this one. Good job.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-07-23 11:06 PM

Hmm...

I liked the meaning in this one.
Nice write here.
Thanks for the read.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-07-24 01:39 AM

AWESOME! VERY awesome meaning! I really really loved this and how you expressed it. The symbolism was amazing. Awesome job. Wowness.....my first poem read by you, and I'm just realling digging it. Hope to see more!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-07-28 07:33 PM

I loved the analogy here. The meaning behind the poem is wonderful! I enjoyed this. Nicely done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Hellseyes
Member

since 2001-07-25

Posts 120
Kansas, USA

5 posted 2001-07-29 12:24 PM

wow man this is da shkit...for shizzle my nizzle../Drew/

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