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Teen Poetry #5
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Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2001-07-23 03:45 PM


The world is falling down on me
The moon is glaring down at me
Their eyes are staring like they don’t see
The troubles of reality.

The tears drip down my face and pool
Their words like ice, so sharp so cool
It’s like the laughing kids at school
See just this freak show of a fool.

I can’t breathe, I’ll suffocate
Choking on these words irate
Running fast but always late
To meet my bitter life’s bitter fate.

Will you use me like a tool
Bend me, twist me to your rule
Why don’t you just come to school
Come to see this freak show of a fool?

[This message has been edited by Kosetsu (edited 07-23-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved
DarkenedShadow
Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114
Kansas
1 posted 2001-07-23 03:54 PM


Welcome to the world of freak shows my friend. Its not a pretty place, just like it says in your piece. You should explore that concept a little further, you'll get more inspiration that way.   /Nick/
Jessica
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350
South AL
2 posted 2001-07-23 04:46 PM


Adam... That was awesome. I loved it. *hugz*

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA
3 posted 2001-07-23 04:50 PM


Thanks you two. As for the concept, I'm thinking a bit more on it. If you think of it, school really is a bit of a freak show of fools. Through our early lives we make countless mistakes..its how we learn. And in turn, we laugh at the mistakes of others, oblivious to our own.

"Love, like the Rose, is desired. And like the Rose, Love has its thorns." - Unknown

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
4 posted 2001-07-23 11:13 PM


And I thought *I* was the only one that thought of school being one big huge freak show...  I liked this alot Adam!  
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-07-26 01:07 AM


Awesome job on this one! Wow, I really liked it. The scheme and flow was nice in my eyes.
I just really enjoyed this one from you. Great job!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
6 posted 2001-07-30 03:58 PM


Amazing flow here.  THe whole poem is very well written... this is one of my favorites by you.  Very nicely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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